God, Its Me Again…

Sometimes, I wonder if God is even there. I have been raised to believe that he is, but then I wonder why I feel so alone. It seems that so many things I ask for, I get the opposite of.

“God Please help my husband’s back and shoulder to heal.” Instead, it has gotten worse and no one can or will do anything about it.

“God, Please don’t let me lose my house.” Well, the bank won’t take a partial payment. That’s about $5000 more than I have.

“God, Please let my marriage work out.” Pretty sure this prayer is failing too. Today, I told my husband I don’t want to have sex with him because I don’t even like him half the time.

“God, Please help business pick up for us.” Today, we lost our biggest property. And it has done nothing but rain most of the week.

Is God even there? I am beginning to understand why people become Atheists. No expectations, no pain. I am a big doubter. Why shouldn’t I be? Every time my life begins to look up, I get crapped on. Not just a little bit either.

I just don’t know how to handle it anymore. The one thing that used to save me was to pray. Why should I pray? No one is listening anyways.

The sky is falling…

As if things couldn’t get any worse, we got a notice of default taped to our house today. Unfortunately, it was my inlaws that drove by and told me there was papers taped to the house. “Looks like you’re getting evicted.” Little did she know, that is exactly what it was. I have 30 days to come up with almost $8,000. I can come up with $4500 for sure. Hopefully that will appease them for now.

I feel comfortable sharing this with you because there is only one person that knows my true identity and she promised not to say anything or criticize me for what she reads. God bless her for that silence.

I know all the criticisms that could come from this post. Trust me, I have already said them to myself.

My prayer for tonight:
Dear God,
Please watch over my family and me during this rough time. Help us to come up with a plan to keep our home. I do not want to lose my home.
Please, Lord, help our business take off so that we can make it.
Please grant my son the peace he needs to get through life and us the peace and guidance to give him what he needs. Amen