What a Freaking Day!

If my mortgage company screws up one more time, I am going to get an attorney. I tried to call my assistance specialist three times since yesterday afternoon because I need to re-fax some documents to him. Guess what? He still has not called me back. I called tonight and got the run around, again. I did speak to someone that gave me a fax number. I will be calling first thing tomorrow morning to speak with Mr. assistance specialist.

I went to work today. However, I ended up coming home because Hubby couldn’t get out of bed to take the kids to school or take care of #4 all day. When I explained this to my boss I explained that yesterday’s PCE was a six hour appointment of someone telling him to do all the things his doctor has spent the last two months telling him not to do. Luckily, my employer has a very lenient attendance policy.

It was nice because after I took the kids to school, I sat in the recliner and watched a little TV with #4. Then, we both laid down for a nap. I slept for about an hour and then watched a little TV in peace and quiet.

Hubby slept until like 1:30 and then as soon as he got up, he was complaining. Seriously???

As much as I am dreading this Group Dynamics class, I am looking forward to going to school and work tomorrow. I love my children and my husband, but I do not want to be a SAHM. I could not handle it.

My mom was in town today to take my brothers to the dentist. I told her that #1 had a volleyball game. Do you think she could have shown up to the game? No, apparently she is too good for that. Seriously???

I guess if I am going to properly function tomorrow, I need to head to bed. Oh, but first I need to do laundry. Good night Dear Readers!

The Reality Check Has Bounced

He still thinks we can save the house. Is he stupid? There is nothing we can do. There is no where else to turn.

The next time I hear someone complain about their finances or their job, I am going to scream. I am losing my house and I have to sit here and listen to you complain that you don’t know where your almost $8000 a month salary goes? I am trying to get a business off the ground because I couldn’t find a job and I have to listen to you complain that you only got 5% back from your 10% pay cut? Really?!? Just quit complaining. At least your bills are paid. At least you don’t have to explain to your kids why you have to move. What am I going to do?? All I feel like doing is crying. All the time. Oh and screaming. It’s not helping. Now I have a headache too.

God, Its Me Again…

Sometimes, I wonder if God is even there. I have been raised to believe that he is, but then I wonder why I feel so alone. It seems that so many things I ask for, I get the opposite of.

“God Please help my husband’s back and shoulder to heal.” Instead, it has gotten worse and no one can or will do anything about it.

“God, Please don’t let me lose my house.” Well, the bank won’t take a partial payment. That’s about $5000 more than I have.

“God, Please let my marriage work out.” Pretty sure this prayer is failing too. Today, I told my husband I don’t want to have sex with him because I don’t even like him half the time.

“God, Please help business pick up for us.” Today, we lost our biggest property. And it has done nothing but rain most of the week.

Is God even there? I am beginning to understand why people become Atheists. No expectations, no pain. I am a big doubter. Why shouldn’t I be? Every time my life begins to look up, I get crapped on. Not just a little bit either.

I just don’t know how to handle it anymore. The one thing that used to save me was to pray. Why should I pray? No one is listening anyways.

The sky is falling…

As if things couldn’t get any worse, we got a notice of default taped to our house today. Unfortunately, it was my inlaws that drove by and told me there was papers taped to the house. “Looks like you’re getting evicted.” Little did she know, that is exactly what it was. I have 30 days to come up with almost $8,000. I can come up with $4500 for sure. Hopefully that will appease them for now.

I feel comfortable sharing this with you because there is only one person that knows my true identity and she promised not to say anything or criticize me for what she reads. God bless her for that silence.

I know all the criticisms that could come from this post. Trust me, I have already said them to myself.

My prayer for tonight:
Dear God,
Please watch over my family and me during this rough time. Help us to come up with a plan to keep our home. I do not want to lose my home.
Please, Lord, help our business take off so that we can make it.
Please grant my son the peace he needs to get through life and us the peace and guidance to give him what he needs. Amen

What’s next?!?

Did I mention that the reason I started my business was because my husband and I both got laid off 2.5 years ago? At the same time. This was just before I became pregnant with #4.

After looking and applying for everything we were even remotely qualified for and still not finding anything, we talked lawn business.

So last summer, we started our own business. Living in the northwest, that means no money in the winter. Well, we have gotten behind. Our mortgage is behind, our van is behind, we pay what we can at the last possible minute. Today, the power company screwed up and shut us off (despite payment arrangements). Now, we have to scramble and get it back on before the kids get home from school. Or, I have to occupy the children until it comes back on. Really?
Power company is paid, but they can’t even give me an approximate of when it will be back on. Can’t even say it’ll be before 5. Whatever
Oh, and we are supposed to have company over tonight too. Lovely.

My van (that I owe almost twice what its worth) needs a good $500 worth of work on it (just put $400 into it in February).

My husband has a part time job, but that doesn’t even cover my mortgage. I just wish it would STOP raining outside so I can get my business running. I can do it all myself, I just need someone to watch #4.

Yes. I know. It could be worse. But right now, it feels like my world is crashing down around me.

Well, I guess no power and a napping baby means it’s homework time. What does abnormal psych have on tap for today? Stress and its effects on the mind and the body. Oh goody.