Another try…

Well, what can I say? Some times, no matter how hard we try, life gets in the way. No matter what we want in life, no matter how good something feels, it seems like the odds will always be against you. This is how I am feeling today.

Alex and A1 came over for dinner last night. They even stayed the night. Alex was uncomfortable on the couch and in my bed, but he stayed. It meant a lot to me that they both made the effort. He woke up with a headache and, in turn, very little patience.

#1 decided to get mad at me because I asked her to do dishes after breakfast this morning. Then she had a melt down. Alex and A1 left. Then my fantabulous day really began. Everyone served time outs. #3 stayed home from karate because after three (3) hours of being in his room, he still had not cleaned out from under his bed. #1 stayed home to supervise. #1 cleaned the kitchen, helped #4 with their room, vacuumed their room, helped #2 clean behind the couch and cleaned the upstairs bathroom. #2 cleaned the downstairs bathroom, cleaned behind the couch, and cleaned the kitchen floor. #3 spent all afternoon in his room “cleaning under the bed.” #4 cleaned her room.

I feel like I am drowning and don’t know which way is up. I am running out of consequences. None seem to be effective. I just want some help. Someone to help me figure out what to do with my children.

I am afraid of what the week after next will look like. I hate that KD can randomly decide to exercise his residential time after he has not been doing it for over five months. I just wish that Pat would have listened to me back in August when I told him this would happen. Now, I have to let them go over them for a week, but not all of them. I can’t even pretend to enjoy the time they are gone because I will still have #1.

I know that I keep saying that I will be the mean mom, and I intend to. I just feel so lost. Yes, I know that I need more follow through. Yes, I know that I need more consequences that work. Yes, I know that I need to reestablish that I am boss. I just don’t know how and I feel like it is all a losing battle.

I did my best to leave Alex alone after he left today. First of all, it was just him and A1 today. Second, I need to leave the ball in his court after we have a rough episode. I need to realize that sometimes he just needs some space, but let him know that I am still here.

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Summer Break has Begun

Today was the last day of the 2010-2011 school year. Tonight was the first family movie night that we have had for awhile. It was very nice.

I love my children. I also love them being at school. When they are at home, I never think that I am doing enough for them. I am going to institute an hour to an hour and a half of educational activities every week day this summer. I know that it is not likely to happen every day, but I am going to try. Two teachers sent home stuff to be worked on. One teacher told me what needs to be worked on.

I am excited to spend a nice summer with my family. We are going to be able to put some money away and move into a house that we can all fit into. We just have to find that one landlord that is understanding and will give us a chance.

Here’s to a summer of hope.

What is your favorite part of being a parent?

No matter how stressed I get, “Lu loo Mommy” can always make me smile. #4 has a fairly big vocabulary for her age and I am constantly amazed at what I hear from her. She can usually make me smile.

I remember when #1 was about four, I was very upset about an argument with my best friend. She came in to the kitchen and said, “Mommy, you look like you need a hug.” That girl’s heart has never stopped growing.

#2 has a heart bigger than most adults. He always wants to cuddle and hug everyone.

#3 knows how to cuddle and love. He just has so much energy that he doesn’t sit still much.

The best part of being a parent is feeling their unconditional love returned. Another great thing about being a parent is seeing the things you have taught your child come out in them.

In difficult times, we all should look at what we do have. This is what matters. My children and my husband. Without them, I would not be me. All the stress that has been rampant in my life lately has definitely taken a toll on my perspective, but taking  a blessings inventory has helped some.

I Can’t Be The Only One

3. Martin Luther King, Jr., a civil rights act...

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“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that” — Martin Luther King Jr

 

If I hear or see one more thing about Osama Bin Laden, I am going to scream! I think it is highly inappropriate to celebrate the death of a human being, no matter how horrible he is. URGH!!!!!!! I know I cannot be the only one! I don’t voice this among the people I know becase I do not want to offend, I have two BILs that have been to Iraq. WHATEVER.

Now, on to the rest of my thoughts for today. I just don’t want to be me somedays. Today was one of those days. My husband was grouchy from the get go because he doesn’t feel good (WHAAA), the children started fighting off the bat, the job we did today lasted longer than we planned, the homeowner is out of town until Friday (no payment), received an email from #3’s teacher, husband complained about everything I did or did not do all day, the children fought after school, #3’s teacher came out to talk to me, and I had a final tonight. Oh, and we are broke and out of gas and almost out of diapers.

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I just left my husband. I don’t think I ever actually would, but what if? I know a guy that would be happy to take me, don’t know about the kids though.

Sometimes, I wonder what life would be like if I had given up on my husband in high school. Would I have finished college and have a job? Would I be happily married? Would I have any kids? It is irrelevant. I am married to my high school sweet heart and I love him. I love our children. I just wish life would be a little kinder to us.

I should be…

I should be sleeping. I caught rhe virus #4 has, but so did Hubby. That means, it doesn’t matter how I feel.

I should be doing laundry, but I don’t want to.

I should be doing homework, but I’m not.

I should have some fun family activity planned for tomorrow, but I don’t know how everyone will be feeling.

I should have Easter gifts for Sunday, but I don’t think they should get gifts because Easter is not about them. Easter is about Jesus raising from the dead, just like he promised.

I should have a genius idea for Easter brunch, but I ordered the ham.

The “I shoulds” will kill us if we let them. Sometimes, we need to forget about what we think we “should” be doing and enjoy life. When was the last time you saw a headstone that said “He never had and ‘shoulds’ because he always did.” They usually say “Loving___________” Fill in the blank with a relationship. We tend to forget about the things that really matter. Our relationships.

Tonight, we watched the ACM Girl’s Night Out special. It was nice to hear some of those songs. More importantly, it created conversation with my husband. I love that man. I may not always like him, but I know he will always be there for me. No matter what.

This afternoon, #1 leaned on my shoulder just because she loves me. I know it won’t be long before she is grown up and out of the house. I need to enjoy her more. I need to enjoy them all more.

Sometimes I am so worried about the things I think are important that I forget the things (and people) that ARE important.

Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He rose from the dead because He loved us before we even existed. If only we could take the time to show our own family and friends that same type of sacrificial love.

Happy Easter!!

One of THOSE days…

Thought I was having a terrible calorie week, but when I got on the scale tonight, I had lost 2.8 pounds since Sunday! That puts me at 20.6 since the beginning of 2011. That was the best part of my day.

I have class tomorrow and didn’t get my reading done. I didn’t get any laundry done. None of my kids did anything educational. And McDonalds screwed up my pop! Oh and I realized that I have no where near enough money to pay my bills.

On the bright side, I now have two jobs booked for next week and I am waiting to hear on two more. I am excited to say this season is officially started!

This is definitely one of those random rambling nights. #2 is a difficult child. Some days I don’t know what to do with him. I can be looking directly at him and he will cause problems. As long as I keep him busy, he’s fine (for the most part), but he always gets mad because he always has to do everything.

Well, I have an 8 hour class tomorrow that starts in 7.5 hours. I guess that means it’s bedtime.

Snow in April??

Just when I thought business was going to pick up, it started snowing two days in a row. Wow. I don’t know what I did to piss off Mother Nature, but I’m sorry!
On the bright side, I gave four estimated today and have a job booked for next week. It’s a start. Now, I just need to get a truck and trailer so I don’t have to use the minivan anymore.

There is my little tangent on the weather. Now, back to life. I don’t mean to complain because I know we all have problems and mine could be worse. However, just because we all have them and they aren’t as bad as they could be, doesn’t mean I have to pretend they don’t exist. I am a mom, wife, daughter, student, friend, granddaughter, daughter-in-law, business owner, neighbor, you get the point.
Sometimes, I just want to complain because sometimes it makes me feel better to get it all out. I don’t want anyone to think I’m not grateful that my problems aren’t worse. I don’t want any advice. I just want to get it all out. That is my version of stress management.
Speaking of stress management…my eating has gotten out of control again. That would be fine if I would exercise to make up for it, but I just don’t feel like it. I haven’t felt like I’ve gotten near enough sleep lately and I just want to eat. I need to get my motivation back so that I cam get back into my goal dress. The dress actually seems to taunt me. My husband thought it might help keep me motivated if it was hanging in our kitchen. So there it hangs in the corner. Laughing at me.
I apologize to you for the lack of order and possibly coherency tonight. I have just been writing what comes to my mind. Like the fact that this week seems to have escaped me completely. I have three chapters I need to read and take notes on before 8 am Saturday, in addition to study guide questions. I am way behind on laundry and I exercised once this week.
My daughter has a 9 am appointment tomorrow and then I am home. Doing laundry and homework. The children will probably watch a movie or two. I will also make them nap for a few. Oh I will definitely be making them work on practice work because they cannot afford to completely take the week off.

Well, I better go to bed so that I am not completely wiped tomorrow. Good night!

Please forgive me in advance…

Honestly, this is the first personal blog I have ever written. I would like to say that I think I will have a great deal of brilliant advice for you to take, or even some great adventures for you to read about. However, the reality is that I am an average mom of four beautiful children. Sometimes it will sound like all I do is complain, sometimes I will sound like I want to move to a new country with a new identity, but I really just want you to know that you are not alone. My main purpose for writing this is to relieve a little stress.

As moms, we are not supposed to complain about everyday things because we should be happy with our lives. After all, it was our own choice to be moms. I am happy with my life, but I also know that everyday life is stressful!! I will never use any real names in my posts. I will tell you the truth though.

Tonight, I am just planning on introducing myself. Right now, I am 27, a wife, and a mother of two boys and two girls. I met my husband during my sophomore year in high school. We have been together for most of the time since. As a senior in high school I became pregnant with our oldest girl, #1. I did graduate, but very pregnant. We married soon after graduation. One year later, our oldest boy, #2, was born. After another two years, our youngest boy, #3, was born. When #3 was five, our youngest child, #4, was born.

The main things to know about me right now are: this is my second year of having my lawn business open, my husband has a part time job, I am a full-time student working on my BLS in Social Services, my children attend a private school (this is their first year), #1 is in Girl Scouts, #2 is in a tutoring program, all three of my older children are in choir at our church, and they are also in chess. Everything else, you will learn as I come upon it all.

For now, I need to close the computer before my battery dies, put my children to bed, and attempt to do homework and laundry. Good night for now!