I’m still here

I started a new job about a month and a half ago. I work 40 hours a week plus our business and school. All my husband can do is complain that I am not home enough. Seriously?

I really thought we were done the other night. He left. I missed school. Told my instructor I was having a family emergency. I am not sure what his problem is, but if he really wants to, I can do it alone. I just don’t want to. He would use my job and school against me though. Saying that I am not home enough. I am trying to make a better life for our kids.

I love my new job. Hours aren’t great, but it gets me home in time to get the kids from school. I can’t wait until I can get a Monday through Friday schedule though.

I am just feeling very overwhelmed lately. I will get by this. Oh, we are in the process of figuring out if we can get a modification on the house.

Please pray for my family that we can all get through this rough patch.

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The Reality Check Has Bounced

He still thinks we can save the house. Is he stupid? There is nothing we can do. There is no where else to turn.

The next time I hear someone complain about their finances or their job, I am going to scream. I am losing my house and I have to sit here and listen to you complain that you don’t know where your almost $8000 a month salary goes? I am trying to get a business off the ground because I couldn’t find a job and I have to listen to you complain that you only got 5% back from your 10% pay cut? Really?!? Just quit complaining. At least your bills are paid. At least you don’t have to explain to your kids why you have to move. What am I going to do?? All I feel like doing is crying. All the time. Oh and screaming. It’s not helping. Now I have a headache too.

I Can’t Be The Only One

3. Martin Luther King, Jr., a civil rights act...

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“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that” — Martin Luther King Jr

 

If I hear or see one more thing about Osama Bin Laden, I am going to scream! I think it is highly inappropriate to celebrate the death of a human being, no matter how horrible he is. URGH!!!!!!! I know I cannot be the only one! I don’t voice this among the people I know becase I do not want to offend, I have two BILs that have been to Iraq. WHATEVER.

Now, on to the rest of my thoughts for today. I just don’t want to be me somedays. Today was one of those days. My husband was grouchy from the get go because he doesn’t feel good (WHAAA), the children started fighting off the bat, the job we did today lasted longer than we planned, the homeowner is out of town until Friday (no payment), received an email from #3’s teacher, husband complained about everything I did or did not do all day, the children fought after school, #3’s teacher came out to talk to me, and I had a final tonight. Oh, and we are broke and out of gas and almost out of diapers.

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I just left my husband. I don’t think I ever actually would, but what if? I know a guy that would be happy to take me, don’t know about the kids though.

Sometimes, I wonder what life would be like if I had given up on my husband in high school. Would I have finished college and have a job? Would I be happily married? Would I have any kids? It is irrelevant. I am married to my high school sweet heart and I love him. I love our children. I just wish life would be a little kinder to us.

I hate trying to title these things

2006 Chevrolet Silverado photographed in Lexin...

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Forgive me if these begin to take the form of letters. I have decided that these will be more like my journals. The only person I am writing these for is me anyways.

My husband keeps telling me that the only way to get our business gone is to take a risk. So, tonight we took a risk. We traded in our car and bought a pickup. I am excited, but I am frightened. All I can say is that I hope this business really takes off.

Looks like this week will be a week of handing out flyers all day. We need to get as much business drummed up as we possibly can. I guess it is time to push all my advertising avenues. We have been blessed so far. We just need to get going.

TGIF…I think

Today is Friday. To most moms, that means a possibility that they will get at least one day to sleep in. Not at my house. If I don’t make #2 sleep in my room, he will wake up with the sun and wake up #1 & #3. In turn, I get woken up because the waking of #1 & #3 usually consists of someone screaming. To me, Friday also means two days of trying to keep my kids busy, without spending money.

Who cares if it is Friday? I couldn’t tell you the last time my husband and I had a real date. You see, he doesn’t trust anyone to be in our house to babysit and that leaves MIL & FIL. They hardly ever take them all at once. Even for major things like our birthdays and anniversay. This is because they never had a babysitter, we shouldn’t need one. Seriously?!? My marriage isn’t perfect and sometimes I jsut need to work on it! I guess it doesn’t really matter, I wouldn’t have the money to go out even if she did take them. I don’t know how, but when I finish losing this weight, I will be going out. Dressing up, dinner, drinks, my husband, and some friends (not that we really have any, but that is a whole different post…)!

I should be doing homework. Instead, I am waiting for my husband to get out of bed so that we can go to a couple of garage sales before we have to re-enroll our children for school next year. Oh, and I need to write our paychecks and do the personal checkbook. Should also do the laundry that is piling up because my energy and motivation seem to have taken a vacation without me. I really wish they would quit that!!

One of THOSE days…

Thought I was having a terrible calorie week, but when I got on the scale tonight, I had lost 2.8 pounds since Sunday! That puts me at 20.6 since the beginning of 2011. That was the best part of my day.

I have class tomorrow and didn’t get my reading done. I didn’t get any laundry done. None of my kids did anything educational. And McDonalds screwed up my pop! Oh and I realized that I have no where near enough money to pay my bills.

On the bright side, I now have two jobs booked for next week and I am waiting to hear on two more. I am excited to say this season is officially started!

This is definitely one of those random rambling nights. #2 is a difficult child. Some days I don’t know what to do with him. I can be looking directly at him and he will cause problems. As long as I keep him busy, he’s fine (for the most part), but he always gets mad because he always has to do everything.

Well, I have an 8 hour class tomorrow that starts in 7.5 hours. I guess that means it’s bedtime.

Snow in April??

Just when I thought business was going to pick up, it started snowing two days in a row. Wow. I don’t know what I did to piss off Mother Nature, but I’m sorry!
On the bright side, I gave four estimated today and have a job booked for next week. It’s a start. Now, I just need to get a truck and trailer so I don’t have to use the minivan anymore.

There is my little tangent on the weather. Now, back to life. I don’t mean to complain because I know we all have problems and mine could be worse. However, just because we all have them and they aren’t as bad as they could be, doesn’t mean I have to pretend they don’t exist. I am a mom, wife, daughter, student, friend, granddaughter, daughter-in-law, business owner, neighbor, you get the point.
Sometimes, I just want to complain because sometimes it makes me feel better to get it all out. I don’t want anyone to think I’m not grateful that my problems aren’t worse. I don’t want any advice. I just want to get it all out. That is my version of stress management.
Speaking of stress management…my eating has gotten out of control again. That would be fine if I would exercise to make up for it, but I just don’t feel like it. I haven’t felt like I’ve gotten near enough sleep lately and I just want to eat. I need to get my motivation back so that I cam get back into my goal dress. The dress actually seems to taunt me. My husband thought it might help keep me motivated if it was hanging in our kitchen. So there it hangs in the corner. Laughing at me.
I apologize to you for the lack of order and possibly coherency tonight. I have just been writing what comes to my mind. Like the fact that this week seems to have escaped me completely. I have three chapters I need to read and take notes on before 8 am Saturday, in addition to study guide questions. I am way behind on laundry and I exercised once this week.
My daughter has a 9 am appointment tomorrow and then I am home. Doing laundry and homework. The children will probably watch a movie or two. I will also make them nap for a few. Oh I will definitely be making them work on practice work because they cannot afford to completely take the week off.

Well, I better go to bed so that I am not completely wiped tomorrow. Good night!