For once, can it be about me? I never agree to go to events because I am afraid of how my children will act. I finally decided to RSVP for us to go to a BBQ with my class and we didn’t even get 10 minutes from the house and had to come home because #1 decided to act like everything is about what she wants, causing a problem with #2. She has been getting worse by the day, I am pretty sure she needs to be treated for depression, so I made her a doctor’s appointment to assess her for depression. Her doctor said to take her to counseling. Seriously? She has been seeing the same counselor for three years and that has obviously not done her any good because she does not want to talk to anyone about “[her] business.” Her doctor knows that. Of course, this was a Thursday. Two out of three of the counselors that she recommended don’t accept our insurance and the third did not answer the phone and is not open on Fridays. I called our local mental health help line and was pretty much told that there is nothing I can do until Monday unless she is trying to hurt herself or someone else. And they wonder why we have had so many teen suicides in our area lately…there is no help until it is too late.
It is my birthday weekend. For once can’t it be about me? Why do they have to act like the world revolves around them? Why can’t they care about someone other than themselves? They complain that we don’t do anything fun, but then this type of shit happens when we do try.
I wish I could just leave her at home, but I don’t trust her.
I have no idea what I am going to do all summer. I can’t really leave her to babysit while I go to school, but she will try to cause problems for #2 when he is babysitting. I am starting to think I was right yesterday, I never should have thought I could go to law school. I should have known better.
I just want to climb in a hole. I can’t take anymore. I just can’t.