Fear and Anxiety

Fear and Anxiety

Monday

My marriage is falling apart and I do not know what to do anymore. Just when it looks like things may be improving, they aren’t. I am tired. I downloaded some books on marriage counseling and how to help your marriage, Alex saw them on the Amazon order history and asked if they were for work. Seriously? Do you not see that our marriage is falling apart around us?

I have thought about and looked into marriage counseling, but he doesn’t seem to think it will do any good. Well, apparently we didn’t learn our lesson. I have thought about finding my own place, but I love my husband.

I have tried to tell him how I feel, but I really do not think that he was even listening to me the last time, at least it did not feel like it. I have been standing up to him more when he says something that pisses me off, but not sure that does any good either.

A1 and A2 are unhappy and the world is ending. The other are unhappy, they must have done something wrong. A1 has a D in an easy class, its ok because “no one will let her take their picture,” but when #3 had a C in the same class, he was just being lazy. A1 always has an excuse, but hers are believed, no matter how many times they are not her fault.

A1 and #1 could do the same thing, independent of each other and #1 will probably be the only one who gets in trouble for it. A2 and #4 do the same thing and #4 will be the “whiny baby.”

Tuesday

I am trying so hard to focus at the office, but I feel like my entire life is falling apart and I am failing at everything. There is not enough money coming in the office to pay my check. My marriage is falling apart, I don’t even feel like Alex cares if I leave anymore. #1 is starting to skip again. #3 hasn’t been to his PE class in over a week, but swears he was…

What have I done wrong?????

Last night, I could not fall asleep so I read my book and then cried myself to sleep. Today, Alex gave me a one-armed hug before he left.

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