Unhappy


Here I sit on the plane headed back to reality and realize that we aren’t happy. We haven’t been happy for a while. We aren’t “I’m leaving” unhappy, just unhappy. I know it’s not just me. You’re right, we haven’t felt like a team for a while. I just don’t know what to do about it. I bring up counseling and you scoff at the idea. I try to talk to you and it turns into a fight or a pissing match.
I am tired. I know you are too. I am tired of living in the same house, but feeling more like roommates than husband and wife. I just don’t know how to fix it. I know it’s hard to parent the kids the same, but we need to try. If I were to talk about A1 and A2 the way you talk about #1, #2, #3, and #4, you would get pissed. I know we have the four all the time and there is nothing I can do about that. I am sorry that they have more problems than your Angels. Maybe it’s not that, maybe it’s just that they have different rules. They aren’t held to not being attached to their phones.
I wasn’t joking the other night when I said you have different standards, you may not see it, but everyone else does. If A1 and #3 were to do the exact same thing, you would be mad at A1 briefly and #3 would never live it down. If A1 or A2 tell you something about me or one of the four, you take it as golden. If someone says something about A1 or A2, you get their side, or just don’t believe it. I know you don’t see that and you’re thinking, “but the four always lie.” A1 and A2 may not outright lie, but the twist things to get exactly what they want.
When #3 was in sports, you told him that we wouldn’t go to all the events, especially if it was at the same time as someone else’s event. But when the girls are in sports, you figure out a way to make it to everything.
You got mad because I had a one night work event. Twice a year there are things I have to do out of town. Mid-year and the mixer. Both are for my career. But I’m just supposed to suck it up when you’re gone for a month, or two weeks at a time, to further your career.
I don’t know what to do anymore Alex. I am getting to the point that I expect not to talk to you because I am tired of fighting with you.
It’s like the whole highlighter thing last weekend. She decided to stay in one spot and throw a fit because heaven forbid I buy the wrong size highlighters. Instead of calling me or texting me to find me, she calls you. Then, you give her what she wants and buy her the skinny highlighters. No, I don’t care that they were the same price. That’s not the point and you know it.
Well, we are making our descent. Not sure if I’ll post this or even send it to you, but at least this way I got it out. I do love you Alex.