By now I am sure that you think I am a major drama queen. I am not. It’s just that the only time I have a chance to post is when things are bad. I should be writing my final paper for my legal research and writing class, but I cannot concentrate. I barely got through my hour long class without just bursting into tears. My life is falling apart and I do not know what to do anymore. Guess I should figure it because apparently it is all my own fault.
I just do not even know what to type at this point. I do know that right now, I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there. I should never have started school. I should have known better. I guess I can chalk it up on my list of screw ups.
I am starting to feel like Alex would have been so much better off without meeting me. He would have been free to find someone that made his life better, not worse. I feel like I am failing my children so much. Alex is always crabby because of me and mine and it is affecting his relationship with A1 and A2. I wonder if taking the kids from KD was the right thing to do, or if I just made things worse for them, Alex, and the girls. I just do not even know what to do anymore. I really do not. I feel alone. House full of family, school full of colleagues, and I fell like I am completely alone. I started taking my buproprion again this week. I need to get a handle on my emotions. I just don’t have time for a meltdown right now. I have a final paper and final group project due on Tuesday and my first final is in a week and a half. A2’s birthday is in a week and a half and Christmas is in 2 and a half weeks.