I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need more time for work, but I also feel like there is no where I can put it. I also feel like there is not much more I could do to understand or remember this stuff. I am feeling like law school was one of the stupidest things I have ever done. I should have known better than to think I could handle it.
Between Alex’s accident last year, #2 this summer, #1 and #3’s issues, and all that has happened this semester, I feel like the universe is telling me that I am not cut out with this.
K (friend from school) tells me that all I need to do is make myself leave the house. Leave Alex and the kids at home one day on the weekends and sit at the library. That isn’t going to happen. Even if I plan on it, something will come up. It always will.
I tried to work on getting caught up this weekend and felt guilty for leaving Alex to do everything he was doing. Then when I finally would get myself sat down, every single freaking child would want something. Not a single one of them could leave me alone long enough to read an entire freaking paragraph from start to finish. Every single person will just start talking, instead of giving me a chance to finish my paragraph. Then, they get mad at me because I didn’t catch everything they said.
I feel guilty for sending them away when they want to spend time with me. I know it will not last forever. I know that some of them are going through a rough time.
KD started showing back up, but then started flaking out again. He is getting married to the guy he has been living with. Not all of them are processing it well.
In the last two weeks, Alex and I each lost a grandparent and there was the stuff that needed to be done with that.
I am so tired. I feel like I am not sleeping. I cannot concentrate on anything lately. I can read a paragraph in my books and go back and not have any idea what I read. I actually read the materials for today, but felt like I had no idea what was going on. I am sitting in my second class now and cannot seem to concentrate on what she is lecturing about.
Maybe, law school was a bad idea. Maybe I just need to move on from it and just find a job. Forget law. Just a job.