A Week Crammed With Emotion

As sit here in a hot bath, I contemplate the events, emotions, and advice of the past few days. These last few days have been jam packed with emotion.

Monday was spent with Alex and the girls because the kids were with KD. Other than the fact that I was beginning to fight off some type of stomach bug, it was a good day. Tuesday was fairly uneventful, although I was still spending a horrible amount of time in the bathroom.

Then Wednesday came. This is the day that our parenting conference with the GAL was scheduled. I started this day like any other and went to work. Shortly after arriving at work, we had a site-wide meeting. This is never a good thing. We were informed that our account was expected to be pulled by the end of March. The good news is that they are planning on having positions in other accounts for all of our agents. The bad news is that they cannot guarantee that they will be able to work with my schedule needs. Okay, maybe this is my hint that it is time to start getting my resume and cover letter out and try to get some type of position in the legal field. Then, the parenting conference. The short version is that the GAL is recommending that KD and I continue a week on week off schedule, participate in co-parenting communication counseling with the kids’ counselor, and both take the same parenting class. She is also recommending that KD participate in anger management and that #1 no longer be allowed to be unsupervised with any of the other children. Of course, because KD is passive aggressive and I stand up for myself and my children, it turned into what felt like a meeting bashing me. The GAL actually told me that my yelling is just as abusive to the children as KD’s physical abuse. I did share that I understand that there are aspects of my parenting that I need to work on. I also stated that I think it is great for KD to do the anger management and parenting class, but in order for these to be effective he needs to admit that there is even a problem. So, she turned to KD and asked him if he understood the need for the anger management and parenting classes. KD’s response was such a typical KD response that I probably could have answered for him. “I have taken anger management and parenting classes before, but you can always learn something new.” Really?

Then, we had court on Thursday. Unfortunately, the hearing went pretty much how we expected. The commissioner agreed with the GAL on all of the recommendations that she made. Basically, everyone was patting KD on the back for not doing a single thing over the last six months because he was following the court orders. What about the fact that he never tried to get the restrictions removed? So, we are back to full 50/50 with all four kids, we are to do the communication stuff, he is to do the anger management, and #1 cannot babysit the other kids.

I am starting to feel like I did in my marriage. I am feeling like maybe I am as crazy as they seem to think I am. If I am the only one that thinks that he is a danger, maybe I am wrong. I don’t know. I do know that I am tired of being accused of just trying to be vindictive. That is not what I am doing. I am trying to protect my kids. Aren’t I?

Alex left town on Thursday just before lunch to go to see his grandpa in the hospital. His grandpa is not doing well at all.

I have been staying at Alex’s even with him gone, but I cannot wait for him to come home tomorrow. I miss him. I was talking to a friend today who told me that Alex is a great guy and I am a lucky girl. I told her that I agree, on both accounts. He is pretty amazing. I am a little worried about him though. All the stress and lack of sleep is taking its toll on his immune system and he is getting sick. I worry about him coming back home over the mountain pass tomorrow because when he was like this for our trip over there this summer, he got a nasty ear infection.

I was approved for the new apartment! As long as the Section 8 housing goes through, I will be moved in by the end of March. I still have to file the required relocation paperwork and because my home is changing school districts (even though the kids will not actually be changing anything because they are in private school), and KD has the right to object, but because I am staying in the same town and nothing will change for the kids, I don’t see him having a basis for the objection.

The new place is only nine minutes from Alex’s apartment. It has a washer and dryer in the unit. One of #4 ‘s daycare teachers lives there so I am going to work out some carpooling and no school day arrangements with her. I am excited. I know that I need to start packing and probably should have been at my place doing that tonight, but I didn’t want to so I didn’t. I just sat here in Alex’s chair in my jammies and watched Netflix.

Well, I think that I might have gotten enough out that I can go to sleep now. I have to get some rest before Alex comes home tomorrow. Depending on how he is feeling, we are supposed to go out for our biweekly couples’ night tomorrow night because our friend had a birthday on Wednesday. Good night world (technically it is morning, but I haven’t slept yet so it does not count.)


Don't bite your tongue...talk to me

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