And its only Tuesday


I love my kids. Only another parent could understand how much I love them. I want what is best for my children. Whatever that may be. If someone could show me that they would truly be better off with KD, I would like to think that I would not fight them going over there. Reality says that they are at risk when they are with KD unsupervised.

Pat talked to the GAL today. She thinks that we should move the hearing out for another week so that she can have a chance to talk to the kids and their counselor so she can make a recommendation on whether or not supervision should continue. I do not want it pushed out another week because that gives KD another week to put #4 in a different daycare. She hated the daycare, but KD doesn’t care. That is one of the things that I pointed out in my reply declaration. My concern is for the children’s best interests, but not once does he address the children’s best interests in his response.

They may be a lot to handle, and trust me they are, but they are mine. Love me, love them. Alex said today that we can’t move in together because he has a felling he would begin to resent me, especially if he was at home with all six kids while I was at work/school. He says that he knows we should be a team, he just wants me to know how he feels. I told him that I didn’t know what to say to him.  I also told him that part of me has always known that no matter how many times he brings it up, it will never happen. Part of me wanted to yell and scream at him. Part of me understands. Part of me wants to be angry with him, but I can’t. A friend told me that I need someone who will accept the whole package that I am. I told her that I know. However, the problem is that actions speak louder than words and no matter how many times he tells me he can’t, he is still here. He still tries.

I don’t know how much longer he will keep trying. I know the situation is wearing thin on him. It is wearing thin on me too, but I love him. We both need to accept that our relationship is what it is, or just walk away. I can’t won’t walk away.

I have figured out that he will never let me live down the fact that I answered with something other than yes when he asked me to be his wife. What would it change? No, really. What would be different? He would know for certain that I am head over heels in love with him and want nothing more than for us to be a family. He should already know that. I haven’t gone anywhere and I don’t expect to, unless he finds someone else, and/or tells me to f*** off.

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