10:30 at night, I’ve been awake since 5:00 this morning, and I am wide awake. WTF?
Played my word game with Alex, but I think he’s asleep now because it’s been awhile since I’ve heard from him. Surfed Pinterest for a bit.
Was going to work on revising my declaration (trying to get it from 10.5 pages to 9), but the computer was having an issue.
So here I lay with a full mind. I want to be closer to Alex. In every possible way. I know that if we are meant to be it will work, I am just frustrated. Why would he be brought in to my life just to not be mine? When we can be together, life is great. It’s the in between time we have issues with.
#4 hated her new daycare last week. I feel bad for her. I am trying to do right be them, I just wish I wasn’t the only one. I looked at her tonight and on one hand saw how much older she looked since I last saw her, but on the other hand, age was so small and fragile.
Finally dozing off.
Update: 11:40 PM
Fooled us both! Decided to try the computer one more time and it worked. Shaved the declaration to 10 pages even. Let the attorney finish it. There is a whole bullet I would take out, but I’ll leave it to him. I told him which one it was.
I am wide awake still. Parts of me are frozen, but parts of me are too warm. Lucky me.
I don’t want it all…just feels like it somedays. I want us to be a family, I want Alex to be happy, I want all 6 of my kids to be happy…maybe I do want it all.