Hopeless


That is how I am beginning to feel, hopeless. Hopeless that I will ever have a chance with Alex. Hopeless that I will actually find someone that will be able to and want to handle all that comes with me. There is a great deal that comes with me, I know that. Alex keeps telling me how amazing I am, but he can’t handle the “extras.” I have a feeling this will be the story of my life. Hopeless that I will ever catch a break. Hopeless that my ex-husband will ever grow a pair and worry more about the well-being of his children than making my life miserable.

We did our shift bid at work today. I got a full-time shift, Monday through Friday. I will just have to figure out what to do about the three oldest kids after school. There are a couple of options so we will see what we can do. I am just glad that the stress of the bid is over.

20140106-115057.jpgI know that eventually I will be okay. It’s going to take a while, but I will survive this.

20140106-115106.jpg
I guess Alex has decided that walking away is the best thing for him to do. I just can’t do it yet.20140106-115113.jpg
I guess it is a little late for this. This is actually part of our problem, remembering.

20140106-115121.jpgI sent this to Alex when we first started, I meant it.

20140106-115130.jpgBroken hearts are not usually deadly, but we definitely wish they would kill us because then the pain for us would be gone.

20140106-115138.jpgThis needs no explaining. Everyday that goes by, it should get easier. There will be days that it hurts as if it just happened, but eventually I will be able to think about the time we spent together and know that no matter the outcome, I am better for it. One day I will have the strength to take off my ring, change my text and ring tones, and change my lock and home screens. One day I will realize that I have not posted about Alex for a while and I will know that I will be okay. I just do not want that day to come. I want him to be in my life. I want him to be mine. God knows my heart will always be his.

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