A week ago today, my life changed. Yes, it has only been a week. Feels like an eternity already. I know I need to get my stuff from his place. I just…it’s so final. Yes, I know I’ve taken my stuff before, but this feels different. I guess maybe I should have done it when I was there Friday and he was giving me a ride home, but I wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready. I’ll probably do it this week after I get my car back. Not sure if I should do it while he’s home, or wait until I know he’s not home. The problem is that I still want to see him, smell him, feel him…
He made his choice. I don’t blame him. If I could walk away from the chaos and drama that is my life, I would. I can’t though. I made choices long ago that out me where I am. I guess this is my punishment for those choices.
I have been awake for over an hour now. Didn’t sleep well last night. Woke up with another pounding headache. I don’t want to play anymore. Sometimes I wish I could be one of those parents that could just walk away, but I would miss my kids. I would miss the hugs, the I love yous, and yes even the chaos sometimes.
I’m sure that as bystanders, you saw this coming. I guess part of me did too. I just didn’t want to believe it.