Now What?

I keep going in to my texting to send you a message, but then I delete what I type. I don’t want to let go of you, of us. I don’t know what to text you as my friend, not as my lover. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. I know you feel bad too.

I never wanted this for us. I wanted the eight of us to be a happy family. I imagined so much love and joy. I knew it wouldn’t always be roses, hell we have four girls. 😏

Instead, we are apart.

I meant what I said last night and this morning. I wanted to say yes, but I was afraid you wouldn’t remember asking. If I thought it would make a difference, I would shout from the mountaintops, “Yes, I want to be your wife.” But you don’t want that because I come with baggage.

I’m sorry for all the stress my baggage has caused. I’m sorry for everything. I hope the new year gives you all you need and want, whatever that may be. I love you, don’t forget that. My ring is still on, I know it was only a graduation gift, but it meant and still means more. Right now it means that I haven’t given up.


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