Where do we draw the line between what we have been and what we are? How do we draw a line so neither of us gets hurt? We have never been good at “just friends.” We tried that. We tried to set rules, but we did not stick to them very well. In the beginning, it seemed like it made sense. We would set our rules and they would be easy to follow. What we did not realize was that we would fall in love.
Multiple times over the last two years, we have come to this place, the place where we try to set boundaries. The problem is that neither of us knows where to draw that line. At one point, I said no sex unless he was sure we were together, but then I wanted, no needed to feel him close to me. Then the line was blurred again. There was no yellow line to stand behind. There still is no yellow line to stand behind. Life is not as simple as riding public transportation.
Now, here we are again. Not knowing where to draw the line. Neither of us sure what line to draw. Both afraid to draw a line for fear of completely losing the other. Promised friendship or not, I know how often I talk to my friends. I do not want that with him. Alex is my best friend. I just want to get back to that. I want to be able to talk to him without feeling guilty that I might be stressing him out. I want him to be able to talk to me without the worry that it will add stress to my life. I want to go back to being able to listen to each other without feeling like we had to fix it all. I want to be able to enjoy each other again.
I am afraid that we will both get to the point that we are so afraid to cross that invisible line that we are trying to draw that we will be going down separate roads that will lead us farther apart. No matter how bad it hurts me to see, I want him to be happy. I will do my best to be there for him, no matter what. I will tell you one thing though, no one better hurt him or those girls, or they will have to answer to me.