It sucks…


Until tonight, I have spent this week with Alex. Christmas breakfast was me, Alex, the girls, and GM. I am glad that she doesn’t hate me. Christmas was hard. This is the first time I was away from my babies for Christmas, but it was still a nice Christmas. I enjoyed spending it the way I did.

The kids are home tonight after a big ordeal with KD and his mother, but my attorney told me to give in, again. I love my kids and am happy to see them, but I am so tired of letting KD and his mother have so much control. Isn’t that why I divorced him? Alex brought me to my apartment to meet the kids. I expected that he would just drop me off and head home, but he didn’t. He stayed for a few after the kids got here and watched the kids open their gifts. The whole while, KD and his mother were sitting outside. They sat there for about 30 minutes. I assume the problem was that Alex opened the door for the kids and not me. Seriously? We will tack this on the list of things to talk to the attorney about. The situation sucks. The control KD has sucks. Expecting to be with Alex, but having to be here tonight, sucks. But I think part of me needed to see my babies. I miss Alex and I hate that he is home alone tonight.

Being the responsible parent sucks. Just once, I want to be the irresponsible one. We all know I won’t be. Must be nice to decide when and if you will take care of your kids. Single parenting sucks, but I will make it through this. A good friend reminded me the other day that I have been through a great deal and I have made it this far. She told me that in the time she has know me, I have become a different person and she is proud of me. It is a great thing to hear that from someone.

When it comes to Alex, I know that he has a hard time with my kids and KD, but overall I am a lucky woman. I have this man that loves me enough that he is still here. He really is amazing and at least for now, he is mine.

I will go back to Alex’s after work tomorrow to spend the rest of the weekend with him. We will have the girls on Saturday evening until Sunday afternoon. This is good because I had to leave for work before they got up this morning and by the time I got back there after work, GM had already picked them up.

Heard from BFF tonight. I reinstated my status to “In a relationship” on facebook tonight. She commented from her husband’s profile and I sent her a private message that she has made it pretty clear that she doesn’t care. She messaged me back that I was a horrible friend and only texted her when no one else was available or i needed something. Told her that was never my intention and I was sorry she felt that way.

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