Holding hands…

Holding Hands shadow on sand

Holding Hands shadow on sand (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Holding hands is amazing. It is romantic, sweet, intimate, and reassuring. It tells the world “I am with this person. I love this person. I won’t let anything happen to this person.”

When I think of holding hands, my first thought goes to the night Alex and I walked the boardwalk. That whole night was romantic. The sunset, the walk along the boardwalk, the ice cream, the walk through town…Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I miss that. I miss us. I miss knowing that all I had to do was pick up the phone to find him. I knew that he would be there.

I feel him pulling away and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to let go, but I don’t want to be the cause of so much heartache for the three of them either. I want everyone to be happy.

There have been times lately that I have thought that maybe true time apart would give us the perspective to decide what we want to do and decide if we want to try anymore, but then I get scared. I am scared that he really will find someone else. I am scared that I really am not enough for him.

The times that we do spend together can be amazing, we just don’t get enough of it anymore. I want us to have time. Would it help for us to pick one night every couple of weeks that we schedule something? I don’t care if that something is just driving to the middle of nowhere to talk and look at the stars. Taking a walk through the park, holding hands, and just being together. I just want him to decide if he feels that what we have is worth fighting for. It is not going to be easy, especially not for awhile, but I think it will be worth it. I will fight for this to work, but I will not fight alone. Hold my hand, let me know you’re here too.

Holding hands says romance. You can tell a person so much just by holding their hand. You tell them that you’re there. You tell that person that they are not alone, to some of us, that means more than anyone could ever understand.


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