Your Fears


“Your fears” is my prompt for today. So, what am I afraid of?

Failing my children. I am afraid of not being a good mom to them. My mom chose cocaine over me as a child and I told myself that nothing would ever come before my children. I never wanted to be like my mom. I know how I felt growing up and I never want my kids to feel like that. So, I guess part of that is a fear of becoming my mom. That is on so many levels and feeds into so many of my fears. KD always had a way of using my fear of being like my mom against me. He would always compare me to my mom when he didn’t like what I was doing. I want to be there when my kids need me. I want to raise them to be successful adults.

Being alone for the rest of my life. My grandmother and my mom both became single moms. My grandmother has not dated for probably 35+ years. She became dedicated to her children and her work. My mother has pined after the same man for the last 23 years. Still to this day, she wants him and he uses that. My stepfather is very manipulative in that way.

The dark. I am not sure if I am so much afraid of the dark as I am afraid of the unknown. I am afraid of what might be  hiding in the dark. What might get me. What might hurt me.

The unknown. I am afraid of what might be out there. My future, love, loss, friends, family…all of it. I am afraid of losing those that I love.

I am afraid of disappointing those around me. My kids, my parents, Alex, the girls, friends, work, family…

Love. I am afraid of being hurt. My heart has been broken by those I thought loved me. I trust easy because I want to be loved, but I guard parts of me for fear of being rejected. Fear of being hurt.

English: Words associated with Fear

English: Words associated with Fear (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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One thought on “Your Fears

  1. Pingback: “Never say goodbye…” | Mom in Reality

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