Nights like tonight, I wonder if Alex is right. Will we ever be able to be US? Nights like last night, I think that we can make it. I just don’t know what is best for everyone. How long will he put up with the way things are between us? I know that he loves me, but I also know how lonely he is. I know that it kills him every night that he goes home and I am not there.
A1 turned 9 today. For her birthday dinner, she wanted me to make her lasagna and brownies. Of course, I did. Things were ok. Alex was sore, tired, and feeling down, but the kids were getting along. #2 was helping me with dinner so he was not causing problems. Then I picked up #1. I don’t know what to do with her. She is so…hard to handle. Some days I am so determined that I am not going to yell, that I just give up. I know it. It is the same thing I did for years with KD. I jsut don’t know what to do. I know that I need to follow through. First step is her missing volleyball tomorrow. If the attitude continues, she will be done with it completely.
Tuesday, Alex told me to find US a place to live. He told me that I need to get back on my feet at work and he needs to be able to afford it alone, just in case. Last night, he was showing me houses for sale that would fit all of us.
The award banquet last night was amazing. I love watching him in his element. Talking about his goals and what he wants to do with his career. Listening to what others have to say about him. Watching the way other people’s face light up when they see him. Listening to him introduce me as his girlfriend instead of his friend, or just by name.
My application for law school is complete. I feel so nervous, but am so excited at the same time.