How sad is it that I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and my while world has been flipped upside down, but still all I want is his arms around me? He just shattered my heart and still I just want him to hold me. It’s where I feel safe. It’s where I feel like everything is okay, but I’ll never have that again. I can’t stop crying. I feel like dying. I don’t want to play anymore. I just want to run away.
I feel so alone. I don’t even have anyone to call. I am sitting on my bed with my face in his shirt staring at my ring. I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost and alone. I don’t think I have ever felt like this before.
My kids hate me. I have no friends. I should have BFF, but I don’t even have that. Parts of me are starting to just feel numb.
Told Alex I would come get my stuff tonight after the girls are in bed or tomorrow after church. Don’t want him to have to look at it anymore. I don’t want to hurt them anymore. I don’t want to hurt anymore.
I know I said I will always be there, but if his kids don’t want sleepovers and don’t want to be around my kids because they’re afraid…how? How can I be there for any of them? I can’t even be what my own kids need. I don’t have much fight left. Why bother with any of it? Everything in my life is a losing battle.