Some Positive

I guess in all my venting I forgot to tell you the good news. KD’s attorney notified my attorney that KD’s mom will no longer be available to supervise Monday through Friday. A letter from my attorney to the state confirming this was enough proof that I physically have the kids over 50% of the time. Starting September, I collected the benefits for all the kids and they are no longer collecting child support from me.

I got an email from the office of one of local state legislature reps that they had contacted the welfare fraud office in regards to KD. Due to confidentiality, they could tell them nothing more than an investigator had been assigned. Then, a fraud investigator called me. I feel like he may have to take responsibility for his actions.

#1 still hasn’t woken up. #4 went to bed about 9. #2 and #3 fell asleep watching Indiana Jones with me. #2 woke up when I took his glasses off. #3 woke up when I went to cover him with a blanket, then tried to convince me be wasn’t sleeping. I told him the drool on his cheek and the pillow gave it away. I turned off the movie and sent them to bed. Then I started Boogeyman for myself. I am sure I will regret it later, but #4 is in my bed so I can just snuggle up to her.

Not sure where Alex and I stand. He told me I’m almost always Ms. Negativity with him also. I told him there is a difference between girls at work that I barely know and the man that is supposed to be my partner. I asked if he would rather I hold it in or lie to him and he told me that when it is something I already told him, he would rather I just sit and be quiet in his arms because we don’t get much time. I told him “That’s comforting.” I got back a “night” a little while later.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t think he does either. I’m scared. I want to say I’m not. I want to say I’ll be fine if be gives up. I want to say that I know things will be fine between us. I am not sure I can say any of that honestly.

I want to see the girls tomorrow. I want to see him tomorrow I want him to hold me.