Some days I just feel alone. I have no family. No really good friends. I have Alex, 6 kids, and work. Sometimes, I need to just bullshit with someone until I feel better, but not really anyone I can do that with. Oh, I do have my new counselor, but that’s an hour a week and it only helps for a short period of time because life shows up as soon as I leave his office.
Holidays and other special occasions are the worst. They make me realize how alone I really am. Cleaned out my Facebook today. Realized that I don’t really know any of them. Most are acquaintances at best, even the related ones.
Tonight I am feeling very alone and realizing that I really am fairly alone most of the time. Tonight, I needed to be held and told that everything will be okay. Be told I’m not a horrible mother. Be told I’m loved. Be told that I’m not alone, but alas I was shown that I am alone. My nearest family that actually talks to me is 60 miles away, not counting my kids (since they’re under the same roof and #4 is even snuggled up to me.)
I can’t sleep. I’m exhausted. I’m irritated. I miss my grandma. I miss Alex. I miss A1 & A2. I miss my brother (you know I feel alone when I say that). I miss being part of a family.