Wow. It really happened. Alex and I are done. After this weekend, I knew it was coming. At first, I was numb. I knew it was coming, but it still shocked me. I know he needs to do what is best for him and the girls. They don’t deserve what my kids do and how my kids act. I got a really long email from him on my break from work. I took one call and asked my supervisor if there was something I could do off the phones for a few and he obliged. I just knew that I needed to be up and moving around so I shadowed one of our floor supervisors for an hour.
Considered pasting the email here (after changing names of course), but decided that I wasn’t going to do that. I am still going to watch the girls for them these two Saturdays, but not sure what else we will be doing together. We both want to stay friends, but what does that look like? He doesn’t want to be around my kids. Anything that we do together would feel awkward because we would not know how to act, or we would just fall into old habits again. What happens when one of us starts dating again? Neither of us would take that well. This time, I feel like my best friend died. This time it feels so much more final. I don’t even feel like I have the right to text him.
What is funny (not haha funny) is that I knew in my heart and my head that this was coming and moved my ring to my right hand earlier today. Thought about taking it off, but I still can’t bring myself to do that.
What sucks is that I finally found an amazing guy that treated me like I mattered and I lost him. I can’t say that I blame him. My kids are a lot to handle.
Today has been peaceful for the most part. I still don’t know exactly how to deal with #2, but I will get there. Laid down the law with the three older ones on the way to the doctor for #1. I am not sure if they will take it to heart and listen, but I have decided that there will be some changes. Yes, I know I have said this before. I am hoping that I can stick to it this time. We will see how the next few weeks go.