The rest of how I feel

I know that last post was all images. It was the only way I felt like I could get it all out. I feel so alone right now. Most girls have someone to turn to when their heart gets ripped out, not me. The one I want to hold me and tell me I’m going to be okay is the same one that made me feel this way.

KD was right. No one is ever going to want the whole package. He won…again. I hate that I can hear his voice in my head. I can see him telling me that no one will want me, not with four kids. He’s right. We have raised brats who only act like that for me. I guess he was right about that too.

Tonight I lost something I’m afraid I’ll never get back. We promised ourselves and each other from day one that we would always be friends, no matter what. What if he finds someone else? The thought of it makes my chest hurt even more. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I just want to scream. I feel so alone. I feel like everyone has abandoned me, even the one person I thought never would. Now what? Guess what? I have my pooh bear, pooh bear will never leave me. I have had him since I was a kid and when no one else will be there, he will be there.

Alex, I’m not mad at you. I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. I’m just hurt. I’m scared. I’m alone. I’m sorry. I love you more than you will ever know.


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