The future


Well, so much for spending tomorrow night with Alex and working on Saturday. Got off work today and had a text from KD that there was a death in the family so his mom will be unavailable tomorrow through Saturday at 5:30. This has brought to my attention a one very big thing, I need to find a babysitter that I can trust and won’t charge me an arm and a leg.

If I end up getting the kids full time, I am going to need to make sure that I have someone that I can call so that at least once a month Alex and I can try to have a date night. If we don’t get that, we our chances decrease by…a lot. Just like any relationship, we need to be able to have time for us.

I actually got some sleep last night. Sort of. I woke up quite a few times, but still slept well enough that I dreamt. I know this because it was one of those dreams that you wake up from and are almost disappointed because it was just a dream. It was so real and felt so right though. I felt safe and comfortable when I woke up. It is a feeling that I have not felt lately. It is the feeling I used to have when I woke up in Alex’s arms. The feeling that nothing could go wrong in that moment and nothing could ever harm you. When I know he is truely “there,” just being in his arms does that to me. Just giving him a back rub gives me goosebumps. The thought of being with him still gives me butterflies. I just wish I knew I still did the same for him.

 I have decided that I am going to go back to school. I have time to look into it, but one of the things I want to do is take the two classes that I need to finish my marketing degree so that I have the full three way business degree (I have the general business and business management). I also want to look into the best way to go to law school. Either I will go get my paralegal degree so that I can work through law school at a decent job, or I will just got to law school. I think that the paralegal degree will make law school easier to comprehend, but we will see.

I will get me and my kids out of this. I will make a better life for us. We will be okay.

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