I love my kids. I know that no matter how rough this has been for me, it is worse for them. From the day I found out I was pregnant with #1, I have made most (not all) of my decisions based on what I feel is right for them and will be best for them. However, there are days I just don’t know what to do with them.
Tonight was one of those nights. Hell, today was a whole day of shit. Wish that I could pretend the day did not even happen. First, we left late because #2 took too long in the bath (because HEAVEN FORBID he take a shower). Then, every time I was ready to get in the shower, I had to deal with some issue with the kids. Finally got them to daycare and headed to work. Got about 2/3 of the way to work and realized I left my badge at home. I knew that I did not have the gas to go home and get it, but HR would not open until 8. So, I stopped by Alex’s (missing him by about 10 minutes) and laid on his bed, timer set, for 30 minutes. For the first time in a while, I was out cold as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wish I could have stayed there for days, or at least until I wasn’t exhausted anymore.
Work went by without incident. In fact the friend at work that was loaning me gas money also brought me lunch because he knows that 9 times out of 10 I don’t remember to grab one, especially when I have the kids. One of our coworkers was asking me about it. I explained that he reminds me of my stepdad’s family. He may give me a great deal of crap, but I know when I need something, I can ask.
I spoke with the investigative social worker and she has not spoken with the detective or even reviewed the police report. She said that the only change she foresees is supervised visitation for all four instead of just the younger three.
I even applied for a few things at work today. My cover letter stated that I am aware my attendance puts me in a difficult position, but I want it to be known that I want to move up in the company. I like the company and love my coworkers.
Then, I went to leave work.
Had a voicemail from the elementary school principal. The boys had gotten into a physical altercation at recess. Of course both boys pointed fingers at the other one. When the principal spoke with the playground teacher, she confirmed that #3 was the culprit. Even when he was confronted with this, #3 continued to lie about it. I just don’t know what to do about the lying. How can I break him of the lying when he watches KD do it and get away with it?
Then, the car would not start. Apparently I barely made it to work this morning on my gas. Checked with the facilities department, no gas can. Checked with the local gas station, no loaner gas cans. Called inside and someone had a gas can. Got that taken care of. Picked up the kids late. Got home late and had less than 30 minutes to feed them all because #1 and #2 had a youth group activity at 6. Grabbed pjs, clothes, and laundry because #3, #4, and I were headed to hang out with Alex and the girls and they said that we might be able to stay the night, depending on attitudes.
Dropped the older two off at the church and headed out there. Alex was in a mood. The kids split into twos and played. I was sitting on Alex’s bed, rubbing his back, listening to A2 and #4 together. It was…wonderful (not the word I was looking for, but it will have to do). A2 was enjoying being the big girl. I set the kids up with a movie in the bedroom and went to sit in the living room, hoping to snuggle with Alex and watch a movie. He sat down in his chair and went to sleep. So, I sat on the couch, alone. By the time I needed to go get the older two, A1 had already told me that we could spend the night. I told Alex I knew what the girls wanted us to do, what did he want. “I don’t care.”
That really should have been my clue to grab my stuff, grab the younger two, and go get the older two kids to go home. Silly me. I left the younger two and headed out to get the older two. As soon as they got in the car, they started fighting. By the time we got back to Alex’s, I told them we were going home. As soon as I parked the car, #2 got out and ran in one direction and #1 got out and stomped in the other direction. I headed upstairs to get the younger two and the laundry basket so that I could grab the laundry. When I got back down to the car, the kids were back. I was still done and going home. I have been trying to find more immediate consequences. So, not only were we going home, but they had to listen to me all the way home. #3 is grounded for the weekend from the tablet and the iPod for the lying. #1 and #2 are grounded from them for their attitudes tonight. I am sick of it.
Got home and they all went straight to bed. Then I remembered that we used the last of the toilet paper this morning. So, I started to look for change to try to gather at least a dollar plus tax, I found $0.20. I found a couple of napkins. I will be stopping by Grandma’s after the kids’ counseling appointment tomorrow. Speaking of which, I took some medicine to help me sleep tonight and it is finally working. We will have to leave early for counseling because I don’t have enough change to plug a parking meter for two hours, so we will park a ways away and walk. On the bright side, KD won’t be there since #1 will be. Oh, darn.