A Good Weekend Gone Bad


20121009-111010.jpgI really wish I could say that I have not posted because I have been so busy enjoying life, but that would be a lie. I have not posted because sometimes it is easier to pretend that things just are not happening and I feel that when I post about it, it makes it real.

Well, my post Surprise Weekend Getaway hit with Alex. He invited me to go out of town with him this last weekend. He told me he was riding the motorcycle to Kennewick on Friday and then to Wenatchee on Saturday. Of course I said yes. We still spent all of last week together. I went over and had dinner with him and the girls on Monday night. I was planning on going home, but fell asleep there instead. I left before the girls got up. He asked that I be there when he got home from school on Tuesday night. Then, I ended up spending the rest of the week with him.

We left on Friday and on our way to Kennewick, he detoured to Steptoe Butte because he knew that I wanted to go there. All day Friday, I thought things were going well. Our room had a king bed and a jacuzzi tub, we went to dinner, it was great. I thought that maybe this was just what we needed. If only I had known the way the weekend would end.

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On Saturday, I could tell that something was bothering him, but when I asked what was wrong, he just told me that he was hot. I knew it was crap, but I did not push it too much. I don’t think I really wanted to know, I was scared. When we got home on Saturday night, we cuddled on the couch and watched movies.

Then came Sunday. He got up early and told me to stay in bed and get some sleep because he had some things to get done. Then a few hours later, he came in and woke me up to tell me that breakfast was ready. Silly me, I thought that maybe whatever was wrong, was okay now. We ate breakfast and I was sitting on the couch playing on my phone because he was going to do homework. Then, he texted me.

You don’t know how much I don’t want to say this, that’s probably why I can’t bring myself to. Our friendship doesn’t bother the girls, but our relationship is and they need to come first. [A2] says it hurts her to see us hug and [A1] is having a hard time being here when it’s just you and not the kids, especially on [GM]’s weeks.

From across the room… I lost it. I got up, showered, and packed my stuff. I didn’t know what else to do. For that matter, I still don’t. Basically, the stress of six kids is too much for him and his girls still want Mommy and Daddy together. And he knew this before we left. Honestly, I thought I had done  a good job accepting this and preparing my self for it, but I am quickly finding out that I am not ready for this and I am having a hard time accepting it.

I feel like I have lost my best friend. I feel like I cannot talk to him about how I feel anymore because I don’t want him to feel guilty for my feelings. I wouldn’t mind being friends with benefits, but I just don’t know if my emotions can handle that yet.

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I just miss him so much. I miss us. I am hoping that some time as friends will get all three of them to a point that him and I can try again. He means so much to me, they all do.

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4 thoughts on “A Good Weekend Gone Bad

  1. I know you miss him. But I think you should be ticked too! Why would he plan that whole awesome weekend away – knowing he was planning to do that on Sunday!?! AND it sounds like the girls like you just fine. It really seems like he is being a coward and blaming it on the girls instead of just being honest with you. And to text you from the other room to tell you that?!?!? NOT cool. Sorry but this one fired me up! You deserve to be treated better 🙂

    • Part of me is mad at him. Trust me, I did bring it up to him. Why take me if he knew? His response was that he was hoping he could get past it, but all he could do was think about A1 and A2. I might have thought he was just using it as an excuse too, but the girls talked to GM about it too. Even she thinks he should not be sacrificing his happiness in his downtime. I suggested we just back up to before I met the girls, but he told me that I don’t deserve that.

      I am worried about him. He hasn’t been able to focus on homework or work since Sunday and he’s not eating. In some ways I think this is harder on him than it is on me. Some moments I think I’m okay and was prepared for it, but some moments, I’m not.

  2. I am *so* sorry. This has got to be amazingly hard and confusing to process. Isn’t there a happy medium in this? Maybe if you keep the physical affection away and keep it friendly in front of the kids until they acclimate to it? It’s such a hard balance between needing to move on with your life and also moving theirs along. If he doesn’t continue the process, they will get used to it just being him by himself and he won’t ever be able to form a relationship. 😦

    • I suggested that. He told me that it isn’t fair to any of us when he isn’t sure he can handle six kids. I am hoping that us being just friends will remove the some of intensity of the six kids for him and it will ease us all into something more without the feelings of being overwhelmed. Maybe it will be easier for the kids.

      I have told him the same thing about that fine line between too soon and too late for the girls.

Don't bite your tongue...talk to me

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