Not easier

I wish I could say that making a decision makes it easier, but I would be lying. Last night, Alex and the girls came over. It was hard. It was awkward. I felt like we hardly knew each other. We sat on the same couch, but that was about it. I may as well have sat across the room from him. A2 snuggled on my lap for half the time and A1 for the other half. There were moments that it took all I had not to cry because it hurt so much to have him so close yet so far away.