What is wrong?

Had a rough day yesterday. KD was being difficult. #1 had a doctor appointment and her first volleyball game of the season. KD was doing his best to keep the kids from me. It was really hard. I did get a hug from each one. KD’s parents showed up for the game and he let them grab #4 as soon as they got there. I lost it.

Then there was Alex. I just don’t know what to think. I feel like he’s had enough, but is afraid to tell me because of the kids. Earlier this week, he invited me to meet him after class for a drink. Then he sent me a message yesterday that said he couldn’t afford for both of us to go if we are going out Saturday so he was going to have a beer and come home. He got out of class at 10 and told me he would see me soon. I fell asleep on the couch waiting for him. I woke up just before midnight and he wasn’t home. I texted him. He said he lost track of time and we would talk when he got home. I was wide awake now. Then when he got home he asked if I was mad. I said was just having a rough day and thought it was interesting that he couldn’t afford for us both to go out, so he was going to have a drink. Then didn’t come home until after midnight.

Before he fell asleep, he asked me if I have Columbus day off. I told him no, I’m not a federal employee, I don’t get random days off. His response? “Ok, [GM].” Really? Of all the things to say? Then he fell asleep. So the last thing he said to me last night was calling me by his ex-wife’s name. Needless to say, I did not sleep much last night at all.

I just don’t know how to feel. I love him, but I want him to be happy and I am starting to feel like that does not involve me.