Negativity And Forgiveness

This is going to shock you. Somedays, I miss KD. I miss the good times. Don’t get me wrong, I would never go back to him. I just know that we were in love at one point and sometimes I wish it wasn’t gone. However, it is gone. Now, I can only hope to learn from it and take it with me.


This morning at church, the pastor was talking about forgiveness. These sermons are always the hardest for me because I am really bad about holding a grudge. I know that I need to forgive KD for what he put me through and what he is putting us all through right now. It is hard. I know there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. I just don’t know how to forgive him. Maybe I should go talk to one of the pastors about it. I wonder if that would help me feel better, or figure out how to forgive him.


Woke up this morning and realized the van did not get locked last night and my wallet got left in it. My wallet was stolen. For the most part, all my pictures, my social security card, my license, invalid credit and debit cards, Costco card, the kids’ school ids from last year, and more stuff I’m sure I haven’t thought of. Made a police report. Called KD to tell him in case he never changed the debit and credit card numbers after we separated. Have to call the credit bureaus tomorrow to freeze my credit.


Then, I took the last $5 I had (Dad is putting money to help in my account tomorrow) to buy a coffee on my way to church. #2 was picking up #4 and knocked the coffee out of my hand. It hit the ground and busted open all over the floor. Really???

Got home, fed them lunch, put #4 down for a nap, started a movie for the big ones, laid down on the couch and slept for like two and a half hours. BFF and her kids came over for dinner. Put all the kids to bed and cleaned house. Now I am wide awake and sweltering hot. Long week ahead. Better get some sleep.


Alex is down tonight. He is missing his family being together. I get it. I just wish he would talk to me instead of shutting down.


3 thoughts on “Negativity And Forgiveness

  1. Hi, I don’t know who KD is as haven’t read your other blogs yet but can certainly relate to you having difficulty with forgiveness. I’ve recently had to do a lot if forgiving and I now feel so much lighter, so much compassion and love most if all for myself. I no longer feel ill with bitterness and resentment and I’ve made space for joy to grow. Ever since I forgave my relationship with this person has become much more positive and ompassionate but like you said I will never forget! I’ve just starting reading a book called Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping. It makes you see forgiveness in a compleyey new light! A must get!!
    Please have a look at my blog Mr Wrong, “a humorous and insightful exploration into why some women continually attract Mr Wrong and negative relationships and how to set out on a positive path to Mr Right.” There are some excerpts and stories from other women, I’d love to hear your views and stories. You may be interested in The Importance of Forgiveness. You can find this link on Post 2 or under Excerpts. I hope it strikes a chord 🙂

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