Pushed Away

Still don’t know where Alex and I stand. I know that I don’t want to wonder. I know that I want us back, but I don’t know if we will get that. I don’t know what to do about him. I just told him that I am going to try to leave him alone this weekend so he can concentrate on his girls and his homework. Then he asked what I need from him. I told him I need to know that he is still there, that we are going to be okay, and that he trusts me. He told me that he wishes he knew. So I asked him the same question, “What do you need from me?”

I hate not knowing where I stand with him. I hate not knowing where I stand with anyone, but I love him and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to walk away from him because I don’t want to give up on him, but I wonder if some time and space would be good for him. He worries that if we take space, we will never make it back. If we never make it back, we weren’t meant to be there.

I just wish I could fix this between us. I don’t want him to think I need him because I don’t, but I sure do want him. In many ways. I just can’t stand being pushed away. If you’re done, tell me, I’ll be okay.