I am Lost…Baby please find me

Dear Alex,

I am not her. I did screw up and I am sorry. I wish I could take it all back. You know I would. I wish I would have told you, but I honestly did not think about it. I promise I was not trying to hide it from you. If I had been trying to hide it from you, I would not have told you where I was going or what I was doing. I will never do anything like that again.

I love you. To be honest, I am not sure I was ready to admit how much until last night. I am scared too. We are both in tough spots and have been since day one. If I planned on going anywhere, I never would have let you meet my kids. I was that kid whose mom would get involved with a guy and then he was gone. I won’t do that to my kids.

I feel just as lost since I left your apartment as I did when I got there. I know you love me and I know you are scared of being hurt. I am sorry for putting us in a position where you don’t trust me and you are doubting me.

I am sitting here all alone and I don’t know what to say to you. I don’t know what to do. I think I will just take my meds and go to bed. Maybe I will wake up and this will have been a nightmare.

I know that this was just my graduation gift, but I meant it when I said yes to forever with you. I love you and I want the whole world to know that I am finally happy. You have no idea how many people have noticed the change you have brought to my life and I thank you for that.

Thank you for all you have done.




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