Court was today. I learned a valuable lesson, working to support my kids and provide a better life for them bit me in the rear. The commissioner said that my 6:00 am to 2:30 pm, Monday through Friday, work schedule is not conducive to being the primary parent. So, in the temporary order awarded KD primary custody. It gives me Wednesday and Thursday from 3:oo pm to 8:00 pm and Friday at 3:00 pm to Sunday at 8:00 pm, every week. Oh, and my overnights are at the house and KD is supposed to go to his mom’s. The attorney told me to get my schedule changed at work and we will file a motion to change it. So, I went to work and spoke with my supervisor’s boss. He said he will get it changed. I still have to wait 2 weeks before we can go back to court for it though. The commissioner kept putting me down for working so much, but at the same time did not understand why I was not working full time; he criticized me for gettign my degree, but was upset that I am working an “unskilled” position. I could not do anything to make this commissioner happy. He refused to take into account any of the things that have happened in the past and will not appoint a guardian ad litem. To top it off, I do not qualify for the apartment because I do not have the kids at least 50%.
I just feel so alone. My bff is here for me, but she has her own family and I feel like such a downer because I am dwelling on it. I feel like I am completely invading her family’s space. Alex is trying to be here for me, but he has his girls this week and can only do so much. Not to mention that I feel guilty for some of the things that I say because I do not want him to think that I am blaming him for any of this. I am glad I finally left because it was not healthy for me or my kids. Sometimes I just wonder if it would have been worth it to continue to pretend that I was happy just so I could be with my kids. I am reminded every day why I left KD and also why it took me so long to leave him.
I miss my kids. My time with them is never enough. Sometimes, I feel like they are someone else’s kids.
I put my kids first so much that I even offered KD my second weekend with them because his brother and sister-in-law will be in town.