So tired


Everyday this weekend, I was reminded why I am done, and have been done, with my marriage. #2 told me multiple times that he hates me and wishes I would leave. #1 has informed me that she hates God, doesn’t believe in God, and if He exists, He hates her. This is all without us telling them anything.

Hubby spent all weekend telling me why I can’t do it on my own and pestering me about how I’m going to make it financially. I told him it was none of his business. He told me that the church may throw me out once he decides to talk to the pastor and start going to the divorce recovery group.

At church yesterday, I was stopped by the wife part of an older couple that we used to be close to. She asked how I was doing. I told her I was hanging in there. She asked if I wanted to talk, I said not yet.

Took today off work. Meant to only take a few hours, but screwed up and requested the whole day. Sitting here on Alex’s couch deciding if I will go in to work for a few hours. I would like to have lunch with my Grandma to see if I will be able to borrow the money to get into an apartment and get a few basics, like beds and dressers. I also need to get on the wait list for the apartment. I need to go find somewhere with Internet so I can look for a job too.

Started having belly pains (like bad gas) on Saturday night. Woke up yesterday having it hurt to pee and feeling that constant feeling of having to pee. There was a little blood, but all seems fine today. I am hoping it was a passing UTI, not my kidneys.

Maybe I’ll just lay down for a few minutes.

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