I was going to start this post on February 23. I titled it and that was as far as I got. I have had so much to say, but no idea how to say any of it or where to start.
Things have mellowed a little at home. I am doing a little better at trying not to let Hubby get to me. I think we will have an easier time communicating when we do not have to live with each other. I did tell him this morning that I need space and to be treated like an adult. I feel like he is trying to control my every waking moment still though and it is frustrating to me.
Alex makes me smile. We discussed backing our relationship up, it didn’t work. I feel like I am falling harder every day. Last week, I got off early and went to his apartment to make brownies for him and his girls. I accidentally dropped a plate and was worried because I was afraid of how he would react (Hubby would have flipped) and he was just worried if I was okay. It was such a relief. I knew he would not freak out, but when you experience something enough times from one person, you tend to expect it from others.
I am scared. Alex met his first ex for lunch this weekend. It was the first time they had seen eachother since they split. I know he still loves her, he always will. I want him to be happy, even if it means with someone else. I just am afraid to lose him and of getting hurt. He says I don’t have to worry, but I do. It’s just who I am.
More when I have a chance.