I went into my counselor this morning. I talked to her more about Hubby and the marriage counselor. I also told her more about Alex. Her advice was to be careful because I am vulnerable; it is obvious that I have already made a decision about my marriage; and that no matter who I end up with after my divorce, we need to seek premarital counseling. I wonder if she has put the pieces together about me and Alex, or if she would be surprised if we showed up together.
Hubby is back to glossing over everything like life is fine. That is okay with me, it makes for less fighting. I am still scared about fighting over the kids. I do not want to lose them. I cannot lose my kids again, it would kill me. I went to the dentist on Monday and even after my insurance, I need about $350 worth of work. The most important part will cost me about $200. Grandma told me that she will cover that, I just need to make the appointment.
I am afraid of my feelings for Alex. I know I have said it before, but I do not want any of you to think that I am taking this lightly. I do consider all the things that need to happen before we can ever have a real relationship. For starters, two divorces. Next, counseling for all six kids and the two of us. My kids and I need to find somewhere to live because I am sure that I will not be able to keep the house. I will start back to work on January 2. I am very excited about that.
Graduation is in May. My dad and step mom are coming up for it and it will be nice to see them. I am nervous about them meeting Alex. I am curious about how my dad will react, but I know that if I am happy, he will be happy for me. My step mom has already heard plenty about Alex. She just reminds me that I need to be careful. I am trying to be, but it is hard. I like who I am when I am with Alex. I am happy and relaxed. I feel important. I feel like he cares about me for me. I just hope I am not wrong. I do not think I could handle having my heart broken so soon.