This is what it feels like


Another day lost. We did go to Fred Meyer for their sock sale because I had holes in my socks. We also helped Hubby’s parents pick up a fridge that they bought. I tried to get away from the house for a few today so I could see Alex, but no luck. I did get to talk to him on the phone though, it was nice.

I just do not know what to think about anything anymore. At home, it is back to pretending everything is fine. Right now, Hubby is complaining that we always watch the same shows and I never watch movies with him anymore. I like these shows. I am not happy here, but I am afraid of what will happen if I leave. As far as Alex is concerned, I do not know what to think there either. I love being around him. When I am stressed, I close my eyes and Alex is there. The first thing I do when I wake up is check my phone to see if I have a message from him. The last thing I do before I go to bed is send him a good night. My phone does not vibrate much, but when it does it is usually Alex. Neither of us are in a position to get involved. We are both afraid of the future, both at home and between us. On the other hand, we both seem to feel the same way about each other. What now? If this is what happiness is supposed to be, I like it. I want more of it and I want it to be more consistent.

I got some good snuggle time in tonight with the kids.

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