Lost Cause


Apparently, the marriage counselor thinks I am a lost cause. She does not want to see me again until she can be convinced that I think my marriage will work out. She does not think I am trying. Well, okay. She did call Hubby out on being emotionally and verbally abusive. She also told him that if he does not back off and give me some space, he will lose me forever.

Hubby told her about the divorce papers. “I needed to know about that,” says the marriage counselor. Well, if I have not told Hubby, why would I tell her?? Especially with him sitting right there. She told me that I need to put up emotional barriers and quit letting hubby treat me that way.

The one good thing that came out of this session was that I got about an hour out of the house today. By myself, well sorta. I went to the school to print out my research and Alex met me for a few minutes.

Tonight, via text, Alex told me that even if we both end up single, he is afraid to explore where this could go because he is afraid to lose our friendship. Maybe we should have discussed that a little sooner. I do have feelings for him. I do not know if it is because he cares, because I am lost, or…? All I know is that when I close my eyes, I see his face. When I am upset, I want him to comfort me. When am in a good mood, I want to share it with him. When I spend time with him, even a few stressed minutes, I can keep a smile on my face for quite a while. When I know he is stressed, I want to rub his shoulders, cuddle him and make him relax. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and usually the last thing I think of at night. I am afraid to get too close because I do not want either of us to get hurt, but at the same time, it is nice to have someone I can talk to. It is nice to be told that I’m missed, thought of, and someone is smiling just because they saw my face an hour ago.

Took #1, #2, and #3 to the doctor today. #1 had some warts frozen. #2 had a sore throat that looked fine. #3 still isn’t sleeping. She suggested melatonin and a later be time.

Tomorrow, we get to go to the inlaws. My grandma will also be joining us. We have the turkey so we have to be there by 815 in the morning…and stay all day. I am taking my homework. My grandma won’t be there until later, I’ll work on homework for a bit.

I hope your Thanksgiving is wonderful and you remember to be thankful for the wonderful things in your life. I know that sometimes it is hard to find something, but everyone has at least one thing to be thankful for.

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