Two of the things the marriage counselor said that I needed was more friends, to go out with friends more, and to get time alone. Hubby said before the appointment that he would agree to me getting out of the house more if the counselor suggested it. However, everytime I have brought it up since then, he has made excuses for why I cannot go out. Am I shocked? No, I knew that is the way it would happen. Am I frustrated and hurt by it? Of course I am.
I know that change does not happen overnight, but I just do not want to fight anymore. I do not know if this is what I want anymore. Hubby and I are from different worlds and always will be. He never grew up without financial stability. I never had financial stability, ever. When I told him that I want financial stability, he told me that all I have ever cared about is money. Really? Seriously?
If he would have gotten a job way back instead of screwing them all up on purpose because he did not want to work, we never would ahve gotten in the car accident that messed up his shoulder. Therefore, he would have had more job opportunities all along. I want to be married to someone who wants to be something, someone who wants to do something with their life. I want someone who wants to be their best. All he wants is to find out how not to work. He has been talking about applying for Social Security for nine years. Actually, he did apply for it, but was denied.
I do not want to be on assistance forever. I want me and whoever I am with to be financially sufficient for our family’s needs. That was my goal growing up. Boy, have I missed that mark.
People think it is so sweet that we were high school sweethearts. Really, I was the puppy dog that followed him home. He tried to get rid of me more than once. I do not think that we would have gotten married if I had not gotten pregnant with #1.
I have my doubts about how bad his back really is. I think that now it might be worse, but I really think that he has been milking the original injury.
He turned off the texting on our cell phones. Says that the only reason is because of the money. It feels like he turned it off to shut me off from the world more. Now I am home all the time with him except my individual counseling appointments and school. What about me? When am I supposed to decide what I want? Is he afraid that if I spend time alone or with friends, I will decide that I really do not want to be here?
Even tonight, I asked him about going out for a few and he told me that he wants me to schedule that monthly. Really? What good will that do me?