I went to a funeral today for my stepfather‘s grandma. As I told everyone today, Grandma was gone a long time ago. We just buried her body. I woke up Hubby an hour and a half before we needed to leave for the service. Somehow, we still left late. I offered for him to stay home because I know that he does not like family functions, especially with this family.
The whole day was a fight. He complained because I was originally unsure about whether or not I wanted to go. He complained because of anything and everything he possibly could. When we did finally get home it was for not rinsing the kids’ bowl out this morning, for not picking up my two pieces of clothing out of the bathroom in the mornings, for the fact that we did not have enough money for him to buy cigarettes and get gas in his truck, for the fact that he vacuums at night before he goes to bed and the carpet is a mess when he gets up in the morning…I know there was more, but I quit listening.
While at the service, I saw the first love of my life (that is a story that no matter how I tell it, people do not understand). I still find him very attractive and just as sweet. We talked for a few minutes. I would love to be able to meet up with him and chat, just to get caught up. The short version of how he was at this service is that he is my Stepfather’s cousin’s son. I had a crush on him long before my mom ever married my stepfather and we dated for a short time when I was 14. My husband does not like him for the obvious reasons and also because this guy and I kissed one night.
I am definitly thinking there is a pattern in my life…I am just plain unhappy with my marriage. I cannot imagine why…
In fact, as I finish this, I am laying here listening to him stomp around with the radio blaring after I told him I was going to bed. He was asleep for two hours. I stayed up past nine like he keeps asking and yet he’s still mad at me and I do not know why. I wish I knew what I did wrong this time.