Last night I told CC that I was going to start venting here instead of to him and that he knows how to find me if he wants to talk. He asked why. I told him that I do not want anyone to get hurt, especially him. When he told me that he would be fine, I told him that I had heard that from guys before. I value his friendship way too much to lose him. So, I am just going to back off a little. And if he does not want that, he will tell me. He is the only person I trust enough to tell that this blog exists.
My husband has not even gotten out of bed yet and I already fed the kids breakfast, got them to put all their laundry away, downsized everyone’s shirts, laid #4 down for a nap (that did not last), made lunch, did dishes (hubby’s chore), showered, and did a couple loads of laundry. Now I am going to do homework and go get something for dinner.
I just really do not even know what I want anymore. I know I could raise these kids without him. Money would be tight, but I could get daycare so I could work overtime. Mostly, I do not want to be alone. No guy would want to be with a single mom of four. I know better.