So many things have happened since my last post, yet nothing has really changed. I am now working full time while going to school full time. I enjoy my job, but I miss being home with my children. My husband is off of work because of an injury to his back. This means that I am doing all that I was doing when I was home in addition to my job and my school. We still do not know anything about our house. However, it has been assigned to a mortgage counselor and we may be able to get a modification.
I try to keep these posts not too deep, but I think that I may try to write more and I hope that you all understand the change of course this blog may take. One of my new classes requires me to read a list of six books. I chose the list of psychology themed books because it sounded interesting. One of the titles is Undercurrents: A Life Beneath the Surface by Martha Manning. The cover has the following quote from the San Francisco Chronicle, “This remarkable memoir describes a yearlong descent into, and eventually out of, the unbearable hell of depression — and does so with eloquence, grace, and humor.” I am about half-way through this book and I am again wondering if I may be in the midst of a depression myself.
So many days, I feel like I am on the brink of tears over pretty much anything and everything. I feel as though I am a failure at everything I do. I feel as though everything goes wrong. I feel as though I could never get enough sleep to make me feel refreshed.
I know that the last time I felt like this, the kids and I began going to church on a regular basis. So, I am going to try that again. I went to my doctor today and wanted to say something to her. However, when I got to her office, I learned that her new medical assistant is from our church. I did not feel comfortable talking to the doctor about this issue. In fact, I am not sure that I want to continue going to this doctor at all. The lady from church is very sweet, but I am not sure that I feel comfortable with her knowing that much.
- Many Reluctant to Tell Docs About Depression (nlm.nih.gov)
- Feeling Worthless and Depression (everydayhealth.com)