God, Its Me Again…

Sometimes, I wonder if God is even there. I have been raised to believe that he is, but then I wonder why I feel so alone. It seems that so many things I ask for, I get the opposite of.

“God Please help my husband’s back and shoulder to heal.” Instead, it has gotten worse and no one can or will do anything about it.

“God, Please don’t let me lose my house.” Well, the bank won’t take a partial payment. That’s about $5000 more than I have.

“God, Please let my marriage work out.” Pretty sure this prayer is failing too. Today, I told my husband I don’t want to have sex with him because I don’t even like him half the time.

“God, Please help business pick up for us.” Today, we lost our biggest property. And it has done nothing but rain most of the week.

Is God even there? I am beginning to understand why people become Atheists. No expectations, no pain. I am a big doubter. Why shouldn’t I be? Every time my life begins to look up, I get crapped on. Not just a little bit either.

I just don’t know how to handle it anymore. The one thing that used to save me was to pray. Why should I pray? No one is listening anyways.

One thought on “God, Its Me Again…

  1. I know it can be difficult to maintain faith when prayers don’t turn out as expected. I think the problem isn’t in God’s reality, but our expectations. He is not a genie that is there to grant our every request. Prayer is more about conforming ourselves and our desires to His. My son Asher was born with a club foot and has been mostly healed, thanks to Shriners, but he’s not going there anymore and has some work to be done yet. We brought him to a faith healer of sorts a couple of weeks ago. He was prayed over with no change. We expected a full healing and got nothing observable. We read in the Bible of people Jesus healed, but in any crowd He chose a few to be healed, where others were not. Why is this? I’m not sure I have a good answer for that, but I know that God’s ways are not ours. He has a plan for each of us, most of which we know nothing about. How often do your kids ask you for something and the answer is no or not yet because you know something they don’t. They might assume you don’t care when in fact you do and your no is in their best interest. When we ask for healing and things get worse, or better finances and lost our job, we have to have the faith to trust God no matter what and wait for Him to work things out.

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