As much as I love family, that was too much for one weekend. This was the weekend numbers:
1: Soon-to-be sister-in-law
1: Fiancé of Grandmother-in-law
6: Cousins (combined total)
1: Niece Cat
4: Days spent at my MILs
Over all, the weekend was nice. The soon-to-be SIL is very nice. Saw family that hasn’t been seen in over a year. Spent the night in a hotel. Swam in the pool. Looked at rental houses. Came to terms (at least partially) with the situation. Looked for bunk beds for the boys. Talked, I mean really talked, to my husband.
Our current situation is a set back, but we will be okay. As long as we are safe and together, we will make it through this. We have been through worse, and we are alive and together to tell about it.
Today was our first day of rental house hunting. Sadly enough it was a little exciting. I forgot how exciting house hunting is.
On the other hand, it was a little depressing. There are bigger, nicer houses than mine for rent that are less than my mortgage.
I guess if the bank won’t take a partial payment, we will use it for first, last, and deposit.
Wish me luck…
He still thinks we can save the house. Is he stupid? There is nothing we can do. There is no where else to turn.
The next time I hear someone complain about their finances or their job, I am going to scream. I am losing my house and I have to sit here and listen to you complain that you don’t know where your almost $8000 a month salary goes? I am trying to get a business off the ground because I couldn’t find a job and I have to listen to you complain that you only got 5% back from your 10% pay cut? Really?!? Just quit complaining. At least your bills are paid. At least you don’t have to explain to your kids why you have to move. What am I going to do?? All I feel like doing is crying. All the time. Oh and screaming. It’s not helping. Now I have a headache too.
Sometimes, I wonder if God is even there. I have been raised to believe that he is, but then I wonder why I feel so alone. It seems that so many things I ask for, I get the opposite of.
“God Please help my husband’s back and shoulder to heal.” Instead, it has gotten worse and no one can or will do anything about it.
“God, Please don’t let me lose my house.” Well, the bank won’t take a partial payment. That’s about $5000 more than I have.
“God, Please let my marriage work out.” Pretty sure this prayer is failing too. Today, I told my husband I don’t want to have sex with him because I don’t even like him half the time.
“God, Please help business pick up for us.” Today, we lost our biggest property. And it has done nothing but rain most of the week.
Is God even there? I am beginning to understand why people become Atheists. No expectations, no pain. I am a big doubter. Why shouldn’t I be? Every time my life begins to look up, I get crapped on. Not just a little bit either.
I just don’t know how to handle it anymore. The one thing that used to save me was to pray. Why should I pray? No one is listening anyways.
Chicken Tortilla Soup
4 C.- chicken broth or stock
3 C.- water
20 oz- boneless skinless chicken
1 can- corn
1 can- black beans
19 oz- salsa
1 pkt- taco seasoning
Put chicken, broth/stock, salsa, and seasoning in pan on med heat. Let cook until chicken is done. Shred chicken. Add corn and beans. Cook on med heat for about 10-15 minutes. Makes approx. 10- 2 C. Servings at about 125 calories per serving.
We have served this with tortilla chips or breadsticks. We add cheese and sour cream for those that want them.
This is what we had for dinner. Now I am full and tired. This is a quick, easy, and healthy meal. Enjoy!!
My FIL sent this to me this evening and I thought I would share.
No matter how stressed I get, “Lu loo Mommy” can always make me smile. #4 has a fairly big vocabulary for her age and I am constantly amazed at what I hear from her. She can usually make me smile.
I remember when #1 was about four, I was very upset about an argument with my best friend. She came in to the kitchen and said, “Mommy, you look like you need a hug.” That girl’s heart has never stopped growing.
#2 has a heart bigger than most adults. He always wants to cuddle and hug everyone.
#3 knows how to cuddle and love. He just has so much energy that he doesn’t sit still much.
The best part of being a parent is feeling their unconditional love returned. Another great thing about being a parent is seeing the things you have taught your child come out in them.
In difficult times, we all should look at what we do have. This is what matters. My children and my husband. Without them, I would not be me. All the stress that has been rampant in my life lately has definitely taken a toll on my perspective, but taking a blessings inventory has helped some.
Thank you for the blessings I have. I know I do not thank you enough. Usually, I am too busy complaining. However, it is in these stressful times I need to remember the blessings I do have. My children are healthy. My husband loves me. I am blessed with a great family (by birth and by marriage). I am healthy.
I am trying my hardest to make it through this difficult time and I know you are here with me. I am sorry that I forget sometimes.
We are your faithful servants and know your will be done. Just please help us and keep us safe through the difficult times ahead.
In Jesus’ name,
Almost every day, at least one of my children brings home an advertisement that asks for money. Yesterday, #1 had one for dance classes and camps. Last week, they all had pages for cupcake sales. Before that there was baseball, basketball, father-daughter social, father-son social, Spanish, art, book orders, you get the idea. These all have two things in common: cost and my children want to do them.
How am I supposed to explain that I can’t hardly pay for the necessities, let alone extras? I just don’t think it is right to send so many of these money requests home, not everyone has extra income to spend on these extras.
How do you handle these at your house??
One thing that I enjoy about not having a current class is the ability to read for enjoyment. I went to the library (alone) yesterday afternoon and finished my first book this afternoon.
I read Look Again by Lisa Scottoline. I cried. Made me think about what I would do. How it would feel to lose a child. I have come close, but I hope never to fully lose a child, or even come close again.
Ellen is a Features reporter. One day when she checks her mail she finds one of those “Have You Seen Me?” cards. One of the faces catches her eye because it looks a lot like her adopted son Will. Due to her journalism background, her attention is piqued.
At the same time, she is working on two pieces for work. One is the human side of murder. She talks to a mother who lost her 8 year old son to a drive by shooting. The other is follow up piece about a mother whose ex-husband abducted their children.
The story takes you through all of the emotions and risks that Ellen takes to do what is right by her son.
Like any mother, I cannot imagine being on either side of this story. I hope none of you have ever or will ever have to experience the loss of a child. For that matter, I hope you never even come close. Go, hug your children (especially the difficult ones), be sure that they know you love them unconditionally.