Some moments make all the other ones worth it

This will be a short post because I want to share a wonderful moment with you.

Dinner was done and cleaned up. #4 was in bed. #3 was watching Lion King with my husband and 17 year old nephew. #2 was sitting at the table typing his book report. #1 was across the table working on her diorama book report. I was sitting between #1 & #2 trying to read my homework.

It is not often that my house is this quiet and peaceful. Everyone was doing what they were supposed to. It was very nice. This was one of those wonderful moments that make all the rest worth it!

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I should be…

I should be sleeping. I caught rhe virus #4 has, but so did Hubby. That means, it doesn’t matter how I feel.

I should be doing laundry, but I don’t want to.

I should be doing homework, but I’m not.

I should have some fun family activity planned for tomorrow, but I don’t know how everyone will be feeling.

I should have Easter gifts for Sunday, but I don’t think they should get gifts because Easter is not about them. Easter is about Jesus raising from the dead, just like he promised.

I should have a genius idea for Easter brunch, but I ordered the ham.

The “I shoulds” will kill us if we let them. Sometimes, we need to forget about what we think we “should” be doing and enjoy life. When was the last time you saw a headstone that said “He never had and ‘shoulds’ because he always did.” They usually say “Loving___________” Fill in the blank with a relationship. We tend to forget about the things that really matter. Our relationships.

Tonight, we watched the ACM Girl’s Night Out special. It was nice to hear some of those songs. More importantly, it created conversation with my husband. I love that man. I may not always like him, but I know he will always be there for me. No matter what.

This afternoon, #1 leaned on my shoulder just because she loves me. I know it won’t be long before she is grown up and out of the house. I need to enjoy her more. I need to enjoy them all more.

Sometimes I am so worried about the things I think are important that I forget the things (and people) that ARE important.

Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He rose from the dead because He loved us before we even existed. If only we could take the time to show our own family and friends that same type of sacrificial love.

Happy Easter!!

Can’t I just be someone else?

"The Last Supper" - museum copy of M...

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As I type, I have the Ten Commandments in shortened form taped up around my house (#2 had a test on them today). Number ten is “You shall not covet.” Another thing to be guilty about….

I love my husband and children. I get reminded fairly often that I could have it worse. I am just tired of getting settled into things going well and then having something blow up. I woke up tired. I couldn’t even take a ten minute shower without hearing “mom” about 20 times (yes, that may be a little exaggerated, but not by many). #4 had a physical therapy appoint ment and a doctor appointment. She finished her antibiotics about 3 days ago and now she has croup (with 3 days of an oral steroid).

Things started going well. I exchanged my jeans for a smaller size (from an 18 in January to a 16, but almost small enough for a 14!!) Enjoyed a walk around the mall with #4 and a visit with an old friend. Then, the bank called. They want more proof of my self-employment income for the truck loan. I gave them all I have. We have had the truck for almost a week and now we might not even get to keep it. How embarassing would that be?

The older three kids had choir and went the Maundy Thursday service with my MIL.

Then, my instructor called. I was supposed to call and talk to a professional for a presentation I have to do. The guy was on vacation when I called so I left a message. Luckily I told him who’s class it was for because I did not leave my phone number. Wow, that was embarassing.

On a more positve note, our business seems to be picking up. We have gotten a few more calls and have a bigger job to do next week. I would have scheduled it for this week, but between #4’s appointments today and the older three getting out of school at 11:30 for Good Friday

This week has not been my favorite. On Tuesday, Husband decided that I needed to take the van to school instead of the truck. All well and good, but a) I was already late and b) the van was between his work truck and our new truck in a difficult position to back out of. He got pissed because I asked him to back it out for me. Seriously?? I had dinner made, the kids fed, kids’ homework done, and dishes (his chore) done for him when he got home (from a 3 hour shift, yes he only works 15 hours a week). He knew I was mad. By the time I got home, he had done 3 loads of laundry (my chore).

I know this had a little bit of everything in it tonight. I am sorry for the rambling, but sometimes I just need to type what is on my mind.

Not sure what to do

I already mentioned that #2 is a difficult child. I also mentioned that he had a head injury. What I dint mention was what the head injury entailed.
My husband was home alone with our two children. The children were supposed to be napping. Hubby heard a crash and a scream. He found a folded up playpen on #2. He called the nurse who said to watch him (like they always do). The next day, he looked bad so we took him in. Long story short, my children were taken away from me and my husband was charged with a felony.
Obviously, we got our children back and everything turned out with Hubby (knew it would, he couldn’t hurt a fly!) The problem is that we are now paranoid about anything happening.
We are at our wits end with #2, but afraid that talking to his doctor will result in a state referral. At the same time, afraid that no action will backfire.
Friday evening, #2 was throwing enough of a fit that I pulled the car over (just me and all 4 kids). He got out and was screaming. I am surprised no one called the cops just off of his screams. Luckily the street wasn’t too busy because he tried to go in the middle so he could get run over. I finally got him to calm down and get in the car. However, the fear is still there. When will it happen again? When will he finally over power me? What do I do?
I pray that God gives me the direction to figure out what #2 needs, without causing more problems for our family.

Any suggestions?

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I hate trying to title these things

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Forgive me if these begin to take the form of letters. I have decided that these will be more like my journals. The only person I am writing these for is me anyways.

My husband keeps telling me that the only way to get our business gone is to take a risk. So, tonight we took a risk. We traded in our car and bought a pickup. I am excited, but I am frightened. All I can say is that I hope this business really takes off.

Looks like this week will be a week of handing out flyers all day. We need to get as much business drummed up as we possibly can. I guess it is time to push all my advertising avenues. We have been blessed so far. We just need to get going.

What’s next?!?

Did I mention that the reason I started my business was because my husband and I both got laid off 2.5 years ago? At the same time. This was just before I became pregnant with #4.

After looking and applying for everything we were even remotely qualified for and still not finding anything, we talked lawn business.

So last summer, we started our own business. Living in the northwest, that means no money in the winter. Well, we have gotten behind. Our mortgage is behind, our van is behind, we pay what we can at the last possible minute. Today, the power company screwed up and shut us off (despite payment arrangements). Now, we have to scramble and get it back on before the kids get home from school. Or, I have to occupy the children until it comes back on. Really?
Power company is paid, but they can’t even give me an approximate of when it will be back on. Can’t even say it’ll be before 5. Whatever
Oh, and we are supposed to have company over tonight too. Lovely.

My van (that I owe almost twice what its worth) needs a good $500 worth of work on it (just put $400 into it in February).

My husband has a part time job, but that doesn’t even cover my mortgage. I just wish it would STOP raining outside so I can get my business running. I can do it all myself, I just need someone to watch #4.

Yes. I know. It could be worse. But right now, it feels like my world is crashing down around me.

Well, I guess no power and a napping baby means it’s homework time. What does abnormal psych have on tap for today? Stress and its effects on the mind and the body. Oh goody.

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TGIF…I think

Today is Friday. To most moms, that means a possibility that they will get at least one day to sleep in. Not at my house. If I don’t make #2 sleep in my room, he will wake up with the sun and wake up #1 & #3. In turn, I get woken up because the waking of #1 & #3 usually consists of someone screaming. To me, Friday also means two days of trying to keep my kids busy, without spending money.

Who cares if it is Friday? I couldn’t tell you the last time my husband and I had a real date. You see, he doesn’t trust anyone to be in our house to babysit and that leaves MIL & FIL. They hardly ever take them all at once. Even for major things like our birthdays and anniversay. This is because they never had a babysitter, we shouldn’t need one. Seriously?!? My marriage isn’t perfect and sometimes I jsut need to work on it! I guess it doesn’t really matter, I wouldn’t have the money to go out even if she did take them. I don’t know how, but when I finish losing this weight, I will be going out. Dressing up, dinner, drinks, my husband, and some friends (not that we really have any, but that is a whole different post…)!

I should be doing homework. Instead, I am waiting for my husband to get out of bed so that we can go to a couple of garage sales before we have to re-enroll our children for school next year. Oh, and I need to write our paychecks and do the personal checkbook. Should also do the laundry that is piling up because my energy and motivation seem to have taken a vacation without me. I really wish they would quit that!!

Knowledge can be scary

I am trying a new color of text tonight. Let me know if you like it. ☺

#2 is a terror. He has always had a problem keeping his hands to himself and it just seems to be getting worse. This isn’t his only problem, just his worse. I have tried everything I can think of. Last night in my Abnormal Psychology class, we were discussing head injuries. You see, when #2 was 16 months old, he was in an accident and he got a minor skull fracture. There is no visible damage, but I wonder what personality effects it has had on him. Would he have been a difficult child anyways, or was it the head injury? Was it something I did or did not do?

When we began discussing the effects of head injuries, my mind automatically went to my son. Our instructor told us that research has shown people to have personality differences after a head injury, even when there is not any damage on brain scans. I just have to wonder, what would #2 be like if he hadn’t had the head injury?

Sometimes, knowledge is dangerous.

One of THOSE days…

Thought I was having a terrible calorie week, but when I got on the scale tonight, I had lost 2.8 pounds since Sunday! That puts me at 20.6 since the beginning of 2011. That was the best part of my day.

I have class tomorrow and didn’t get my reading done. I didn’t get any laundry done. None of my kids did anything educational. And McDonalds screwed up my pop! Oh and I realized that I have no where near enough money to pay my bills.

On the bright side, I now have two jobs booked for next week and I am waiting to hear on two more. I am excited to say this season is officially started!

This is definitely one of those random rambling nights. #2 is a difficult child. Some days I don’t know what to do with him. I can be looking directly at him and he will cause problems. As long as I keep him busy, he’s fine (for the most part), but he always gets mad because he always has to do everything.

Well, I have an 8 hour class tomorrow that starts in 7.5 hours. I guess that means it’s bedtime.

Snow in April??

Just when I thought business was going to pick up, it started snowing two days in a row. Wow. I don’t know what I did to piss off Mother Nature, but I’m sorry!
On the bright side, I gave four estimated today and have a job booked for next week. It’s a start. Now, I just need to get a truck and trailer so I don’t have to use the minivan anymore.

There is my little tangent on the weather. Now, back to life. I don’t mean to complain because I know we all have problems and mine could be worse. However, just because we all have them and they aren’t as bad as they could be, doesn’t mean I have to pretend they don’t exist. I am a mom, wife, daughter, student, friend, granddaughter, daughter-in-law, business owner, neighbor, you get the point.
Sometimes, I just want to complain because sometimes it makes me feel better to get it all out. I don’t want anyone to think I’m not grateful that my problems aren’t worse. I don’t want any advice. I just want to get it all out. That is my version of stress management.
Speaking of stress management…my eating has gotten out of control again. That would be fine if I would exercise to make up for it, but I just don’t feel like it. I haven’t felt like I’ve gotten near enough sleep lately and I just want to eat. I need to get my motivation back so that I cam get back into my goal dress. The dress actually seems to taunt me. My husband thought it might help keep me motivated if it was hanging in our kitchen. So there it hangs in the corner. Laughing at me.
I apologize to you for the lack of order and possibly coherency tonight. I have just been writing what comes to my mind. Like the fact that this week seems to have escaped me completely. I have three chapters I need to read and take notes on before 8 am Saturday, in addition to study guide questions. I am way behind on laundry and I exercised once this week.
My daughter has a 9 am appointment tomorrow and then I am home. Doing laundry and homework. The children will probably watch a movie or two. I will also make them nap for a few. Oh I will definitely be making them work on practice work because they cannot afford to completely take the week off.

Well, I better go to bed so that I am not completely wiped tomorrow. Good night!